Archive for category: Fun

Have I ever told the Internet about my last night out in the only place in Kansas to vote for the democrats in the last TWO, count em, TWO elections (so don’t blame me for this W. debacle)? Well, as tonight I am heading back to Lawrence, Kansas to visit some lady friends, I figure, it’s time, Internet.

I went to Lawrence to visit my friend The Mara who is one of three people that post regularly on this site. Usually, she posts about the food she ate that day, how much she studied, what she drank the night before…basically nothing having to do with my posts. I should create a new category on this site called “The Mara Comments.” The Mara is the next big Internet Celebrity. I can feel it!

So The Mara and I sat around on our butts with two other girlfriends and did what any young, reckless, crazy girls would do. We watched Gerard Depardeux in “My Father the Hero.” Classic. We are SO FUCKING AWSOME.

After that excitment, the other two girls were too “tired” to go out (with us). They did manage to stay out until 6 a.m. with some random boys…but that’s beside the point. The Mara and I decided to venture out into the night where social people interact with other social people and actually leave their homes/computers/TVs behind. Scary. Seriously frightening. Going out that night taught me why I don’t like to go out with the people who leave their houses.

There was the drunk group of guys just back from their friend’s wedding who seemed to think that our scowls of discontent were invitations to sit way too close to us and feel up The Mara’s thigh. Then, when they got kicked out of the bar, felt the need to return with their pants around their ankles and lay down on the table right next to us.

There was the other group of guys who were extremely irritated that The Mara and I were “spinning” the little men inside the foosball game. They would yell. Then leave the room. Then we would start spinning again. Then they’d walk back in and yell again. It was a never-ending cycle.

Then there was the bartender who I thought was my new best friend. He, for some unexplainable reason, did not feel the same about me.

Then I decided I liked the world with the social people where there were all the pretty lights and colors and I could see four of each person and all the sidewalks seemed to lean to the right. So I went to explore the apartment complex of The Mara.

Then,

I fell asleep.

On the ground.

By a tree.

I dreamed that The Mara found me the next morning by the tree and pointed and laughed and made a fool of me. So I quickly awoke from my slumber, picked some the grass clippings of my shirt, and went back to The Mara’s.

Hopefully tonight I won’t fall asleep on the ground, but damnit, I will spin on the foosball table. Just try and stop me. Bastards.

Another camrade is taking the plunge. While Trent and I are fighting over him wanting a prenup (My left tit! There is no FUCKING way! How else will I make my millions?), my friends are marrying themselves off left and right. Last weekend I received an early morning text message saying, “call me as soon as you get up!” The exclamation point had me worried. Either someone had died, she had an inoperable brain tumor, or she was getting engaged. What’s in door number 3?

You guessed it.

So in order to truly fulfill her life as a singleton, I will now post embarrassing pictures of her during her carefree college days, when she could never even IMAGINE the big M-word.

Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be THAT big of a bitch to just embarrass my own personal Christina. Check out me in the hideous wig and lovely Sharpie tatoo. I was also wearing some sexy thigh-highs under my horrific skirt. And don’t forget the platforms covered in sparkly glue. I know. You never knew sexy until this moment. You’re welcome.

I love you, Woman. And I’m glad you’re gitten hitched. Please have an open bar. And do not allow me to don a wig. No matter how much I beg.