My apologies.

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The shitty thing about a brand-spanking new job is when it’s amazing and awsome and fun and you get good vibes from all your co-workers and you actually enjoyed going to work you no longer have anything funny to tell all of your closest friends on the Internet. I’m sorry Internet. I wish I could say that my new job made me want to vomit all over my desk and call the Suicide hotline, but it doesn’t. I was officially home at 5:15 without the ever-present urges to poke my eyes out with a dull, unsharpened pencil. Gee, I’ll miss the misery.

Actually, I WILL NOT FUCKING MISS THE MISERY! I’M FREE AT LAST! HOLY HELL!

OK, I’ve now taken a shot of whiskey and calmed myself a bit. As mentioned above, the new job is the absolute SHIT! Though I’ve never been more tired in my life thanks to Mr. Tom Petty, The Heartbreakers and the evil Verizon Amphetheatre Parking bonanza, I was up a bit later than usual. Some people may say it was irresponsible for me to go to a concert where just entering the venue implies an immediate contact high. To those people I’d like to say, kiss my dog’s hairy ass. Let’s just leave it at that.

If you’ve ever wanted to know what massive amounts of blond hair does at high velocities…

Jeeps. Fun, but bring a hat.

Off to see the wizard.

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Today Trent and I split for the 4th of July weekend activities. I will be celebrating the independence of our nation in our hometown of Manhattan, KS, where I am in a wedding for a high school friend. I’m hoping not to be turned into a frog by the ‘wizard’ I’m walking down the aisle with, and I’ve been brushing up on Harry Potter trivia so we can have something to discuss during those awkward moments.

“So, do you think Neville is really the son of Voldemort? I’m sorry, of He Who Must Not Be Named?”

Yup, that will make it WAY less awkward.

Trent will be spending the holiday in another Manhattan. One that is much bigger, and debatably, much more fun. He’s going to NYC with his family. I hate him. OK, I love him, but I’m so jealous I may just slip a pocket knife or a firecracker in his bag. Just try and get past security you bastard!

Happy “Stealing ‘Our’ Country By Savagely Massacring Native Americans” Day!

Also, Happy Canada Day to our friends up north. I don’t know much aboot Canada, but I do know that anything with centralized healthcare, less crime and swinging accents is a country that should be celebrated!

Wherein I ridicule Tom Cruise to break the tension.

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I have noticed some of the last few articles on this blog (Articles! Ha! Yes, these are most definetely serious pieces of Journalism) are pretty damn depressing. Now, I have every right to be pretty damn depressed (see past few blogs of fire), but the time for nervous laughter has come!

“Let’s face it, women have a lot of mental problems in general. They’re always saying ‘I’m depressed, I lack energy, I can’t pay attention. I fear social situations. I’m tired of living this lie.’ …Bitches are stupid. I say that with love and understanding.”

Need for speed.

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Yes, he does have quite the need. That poor girl. What’s she gonna do when the Scientologists eat her brain?

Props to TP for the URL.
Word.
To your mother.
Yes.
I did just say that.

Happy Birthday!

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It’s my one-year website anniversary. Literally, one year ago today I posted the first entry on what would later become the Crazy Bananas phenomenon. Hooray for me! Let’s all have cake and drink beers. I think that sounds like a grand idea. Don’t you?

Happy birthday to me and my PowerBook “Macaroni.” This is our anniversary picture from one year ago. My, how we’ve grown. We’ve had quite the virtual year. Also, happy “interview for new job day” to me. Let’s hope I don’t say “fuck” during the interview. Or “poop.” Or “shit.” Possibly “crap,” but only under the right circumstances.

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