How to get what you want
IT’S TOO HARD TO SAY NO!!! Try. I dare you. You will melt just like the rest of us. Suckers.
Weekend Update
We’re back from Camp Spooner and, surprisingly, no one lost a limb or any brain functions that are essential for human existance. This weekend was one of those strange weekends where although fun was had by all, there was a certain amount of uncomfortable squirming.
After a good Friday night out, Trent and I drug our hungover, slightly stanky behinds out of bed and hopped in the car for a trip to good ole’ Council Grove, Kansas, population 7. My parents run their global empire of home shopping networks and space station experiments from their cabin at Council Grove city lake. Because of our affinity for drinking HEAVILY, we were a wee bit late, but damnit, we had to go on a beer run BEFORE SURRENDURING TO THE HORROR OF THE PARENTS. Just to keep everyone up to speed, Trent & I drank a total of 20 Bud Lites, 12 Boulevard Wheats and 4 fruity Segrams drinks during our 23 hours at the lake. But to be fair, my dad drank at least 4 of our drinks (I would’ve said beers, but I definetly saw him drinking a Segrams), so it’s really not as bad as it sounds.
Other than the fact that my parents think we’re raging alcoholics now, the trip was mostly a success. Trent narrowly dodged the dreaded “marriage question” from my dad, and my mother was, very much to our amazement, funny and nice to both of us. Seriously. We even got her to watch 2 episodes of Penn & Tellers Bullshit. Granted, she talked through most of it and winced in extreme pain everytime the word FUCK was uttered, but that is to be expected. We made it through the ENTIRE WEEKEND without a mention of how much they want to disown me. Incredibly. Of course, my brother’s antics as of late probably have convinced them their daughter “living in sin” isn’t that big of a deal. Hey, at least I have a job, right? And, as of this moment, I have yet to be arrested. Reach for the stars, kids.
Now we are returned home, to jobs and a mountain of laundry that I’ve been putting off for about 10 weeks. So instead of catching up on housework while Trent (who has been Mr. Wonderful lately, doing all sorts of chores while I lay on my ass watching Friends reruns) is out getting groceries, going to the hardware store, and basically being an all-around bad-ass, I’m drinking a vodka and OJ (70% to 30%) while I update my blog. Do you see what I do for YOU PEOPLE?!
I have to go. Nanny 911 is on.
No words.
Today was one of those days where you just don’t know what else would make it harder. The car getting broken into. The glass shop late to fix it, and then they lose your records. Driving 2 hours with no window in 92 degree heat to a funeral that you had to practically get on your knees and beg just to get off work to go to. Then, having to sit at the front desk of your office and deal with all the material bullshit when you just watched some of your best friends deal with so much pain.
Enough.
Today, as I sat through a funeral for a woman that knew she was going to die, I couldn’t help but think about this life. This amazing person had planned out her entire memorial service. From the psalms to be read to the songs to be sung. I’m sure one thing she was unsure of was what her sons would say in her rememberance. They certainly did her justice. We learned about her first (and last) time smoking, how her favorite Beatle was George, about her old hippie ways, about her love for flowers and gardening and her love for her family. Their voices barely broke, as I choked down tears. Thinking, “if they can hold back their pain, then why can’t I?” It’s so hard to see people that you’ve taken for granted, as they mourn something they can never get back.
It made me think of the people I’ve lost in my life. I couldn’t get my grandmother out of my head. How I remembered the day when the woman who raised me died. How I saw my uncle outside my window. My dad came in the bedroom and said, “Your grandmother died. Go give your mother a hug.” And then he closed the door. How I was more scared then sad. I was scared of how things would be, how I would be, without her. How I knew my mom would never be the same. How I was scared my mom would lose it and become something horrible.
I also remember it was the first time I really wanted to do something bad to myself. I wanted to escape being sad and make all the pain go away. I was only 12, but the feeling still makes me shake. I tried to hurt myself a half dozen times in the next few years. I would think about my funeral and how people would come and think, “Who knew? She seemed like such a happy person.” I wondered if anyone would come at all. If they did come, would they learn about all of the bad things I’d done in my lifetime. I never, in a zillion years, thought I’d live past 21. I remember telling my mom this once, and she told me I was a drama queen and a baby. I remember sitting on my bathroom floor with a razor in hand and her screaming at me through the locked door.
Today, when I think about how I was and what I felt, I know that I was sick. I’m very ashamed. I feel like a selfish brat. I know now what it would’ve cost the people I love if I would’ve done what I kept trying to do. I’m not sure when the turning point was, but I some point I realized I’m worth a lot, and I can give much to the world.
Today, at this funeral, I realized how I want my life to be. I want it to be a celebration. I want people to celebrate with me! I want there to be laughter, smiles, tears, sadness, happiness and always fun. I want, when I die, for people to celebrate me as a person who made the world a little bit better.
Hopefully, I won’t screw it up.
Why?
I just found out a friend’s mother died this morning. I haven’t talked to this guy in a while, he’s actually more of a friend through a friend. We both left Manhattan and went to KU. He lived with Dan, the Samoan ex-boyfriend who everyone thought was a Mexican hippie, for a couple of years. He is also extremely close with Abbie, who has been mentioned several times on this site.
We all knew she was going to die. She’d been sick for a really long time. Everyone was waiting for it to happen. The doctors sent her home so she could be with her family at the end. Both of her sons didn’t want to leave the house for fear if they were gone when she passed they’d never get to say goodbye. That’s the one bright spot. Her husband and both of her sons were with her.
When things like this happen, you tend to reflect on yourself and your life. It’s selfish really, but I can’t help it. I am so blessed to be healthy and have all the people I love healthy as well. I don’t know what I’d do if a close family member or friend got sick. I know I wouldn’t be as strong as this family.
I can’t imagine what they’re going through. But I hope they know there are so many people who support them. That’s no consolation, of course, when someone you care for so deeply is lost. I guess, at least she isn’t suffering anymore. At least she’s at peace. But that really doesn’t make me feel any better. And I’m sure right now, it doesn’t really help them either.
Memorial Day Weekend
I’m back and rehydrated! There are several stories to tell about this weekend. I honestly don’t know quite where to start. There was the family member aquiring ANOTHER DUI, the wedding preparations where I learned I am to be walking down the aisle with a wizard (yes, a wizard!), my mother returning from her ‘summer home’ in Florida (hide the chicken nuggets everyone, save yourselves) and of course drunken debauchery of every kind.
For what may be the first time in the history of trips to Manhattan, Trent and I actually hung out all weekend. Our friends Abbie and Luke (Hi guys!) moved into their new digs, and were both living with a member of the opposite sex for the first time. You can see why they would want Trent and I around, being the ideal example of cohabitating bliss, to teach them the ways to coexist in a world where one can never really escape the other. They did well though. Actually, no major tiffs to report.
Although Trent, love him as I do, showed his true colors in several instances. Now I think I understand why he doesn’t want me around when he’s with his friends. Not that he was mean or ugly to me. He was just. Very. Strange.
Exhibit #1
Trent decides it would be a good idea to get in his skivies and pose like a porn star on Abbie and Luke’s ginormous bed. All humans with penises thought this to be FUCKING HILARIOUS! All females ran to the bathroom in order to avoid vomiting in public.
Exhibit #2
Polish Horseshoes. Game in which guys throw frisbees at each other in attempting to knock a beer bottle off a tiki torch. Basically, an excuse to break bottles and yell at each other. I couldn’t believe how long this amused the guys. Hours. Seriously. Oh well, at least they weren’t fighting each other.
Exhibit #3
Abbie insists (although we have been eating at the BBQ ALL FUCKING DAY) that we order a large cheesebread and pizza upon our return home from the bars. Then she and I lay down for a bit. Then Trent and Luke ate 100 tons of pizza by themselves. Abbie was understandably pissed. You can’t separate that girl from her cheesebread. We should really get her into rehab or something.
For more interesting shots from this weekend, click here. For pictures of the amazing progress made on Trent’s parents new addition, click here.
And as for the cat story, apparently Trent’s brother once tried to microwave his (Trent’s cat), so Trent, his mom and his sister decided to get some revenge. Below is Scott’s cat, Frisky, paying for Scott’s evil ways.
