I’m not a very good storyteller. I try, but usually I’m the only one laughing. But when it comes to family tales, I usually win the war of words (except when Mara’s uncle is chasing housewives down the street while she’s attempting to hide her smoking and suspended license from her grandfather).
Overview:
Dad and Mom met in college. According to her, he was a dumb jock with no future, who the priests hated. She was a pure-as-gold angel of a freshman, who no one thought should date the “big man on campus.” She got drunk at a party with him, then taught him how to spell. Then they got married. Then they had kids. Then he became very, very smart. Went to Stanford, Oxford and finally settled in Manhattan, Kansas. He also did some work for NASA. He also made it impossible for any of his kids to seem successful, because seriously, he worked for fucking NASA!!!
When their two kids were in high school they decided to have two more. No one can figure out why. This is where I came into the picture.
Here’s where the amusement starts. My mom starts grounding people for using her shampoo (a whole flipping summer!), becomes the CEO of QVC and then moves to Florida because she hates Kansas. Dad stays in Kansas. No, they are not divorced. Yes, it is weird.
Now my dad, drug induced brother, and uncle are living in Manhattan while my mother inhabits her double-wide in Florida.
Now we all have a basis for the rest of my family stories. Godspeed and goodnight.
