Trent Vs. The Fly
So this morning I’m getting up like I do every other day of the week, which basically means about 20 minutes after my alarm goes off. As per usual, I’m groggy, grumpy and stumbling around the apartment. I head to the bathroom for my morning pee and to turn the shower on, and as I get up I step on a VERY LARGE, HAIRY BEAST!!!
Now, I’m not a person who is easily frightened by bugs. I’m the one who’s usually killing the spiders while my friends are hiding in the other room. After 2 years working in a dirt lab (yes, a lab where we tested dirt…long story) I’m not even scared of most bees or other insects with stingers. That, of course, does not count the scorpion, which would scare the living crap out of me if I ever saw one!
Anyway, so I step on this large insect, which then starts freaking out and buzzing around the room in a panic. I still cannot see what the hell I’ve stepped on because I’ve yet to put my contacts in, so by this point I am pretty much freaking out. I finally get my contacts in and turn around to where the bug was, and it’s GONE! DISSAPEARED! I breathe, remember I am not a pansy, and go on with my daily routine.
Then, as I throw my PJ’s in the hamper, I hear more wild buzzing. At this point the fear of the unknown has taken over my body and I start screaming at the top of my lungs. I run into the bedroom and wake up Trent by yelling, “There is a HUGE BEE-FLY-THING in the bathroom and it’s going to sting me!!!†Trent replies with his usual “Go away woman.†This is normally his response when woken up by screaming.
I finally get him to realize that this is a very serious issue where I may die of a prehistoric bug disease of which there is no current cure, and he gets up to check out my situation. Once he saw this bug, he too was screaming like a little girl. In a very manly, sexy sort of way. After several swats at this beast and several changes of clothing for fear of the bug getting trapped underneath his shirt, Trent conquered the creature. It is now sitting in a jar in our bathroom where it will lie in state for 9 days of mandatory mourning. After that, a new bug will be elected to terrify me in the morning.
WOW….you do lie to your fans don’t you!?! You not a pansy!?!? Give me a break, maybe not with bugs, but you do whine an awful lot when you don’t get your way! Not saying that I don’t, but I admit my guilt! Anyways….if I ever had a scary bug situation, I would hope that I would handle it in the same way as you! What kind of bus was it? A fly? I’m guessing because of the title….I’m getting my shirt from Urban tomorrow, hopefully it is what I was hoping for. With my luck, it will probably be too small even though it’s a large…because of my extra 800 pounds. Well that would have been understood by all if my hilarious post from Friday had not gotten eaten by my parent’s computer. I get to start looking for a laptop! Yipee! I know jack about computers, but lets see what I can pick out! Sorry, no apple spooters, I’m a poor college kid with other needs! Well I’m not technically a college kid yet, but it’s like I’m a senior in highschool all over again. I have been at True Value now for four years and two days, sad!? OH YES! SO…my point is that True Value is like high school, lets think about all of the lessons I have learned at True Value, much like highschool….well number one, don’t date co-workers, never turns out well. Number two, make sure to be part of some clique, it will always help you in the end. 3, Kiss ass until you can do whatever you want and get paid for it, that is definately the best way to describe my job. Not to change subjects or anything, just wanted to let you know that Abbie is a darling friend, she made sure (though there really is no possibility) that I got my “in-case-I-get-to-have-fun” pills. Gracias to her! Also, my life seems to be going down hill right now, in kind of a good way, just coasting, trying to figure something out, but now stressing too much. Just kind of riding the wave. If you can’t tell, I am trying to waste as much of this non-stressing time as I can and I am at my parents house, it is like being taunted by chocolate bars to eat them and you are allergic to chocolate. IT BLOWS!!! There is so much chocolate here, and god knows I love chocolate…oh wait…I might get to leave…YES! More Later…
**KISSES**
For the record, it was a fucking giant African Killer Bee. It was fucking huge, alright.