The CEO of QVC and why I’m nuts.

My mother started her obsession with Shop-At-Home television when I was quite young. I can remember coming home from school, going into her bedroom and seeing her with the remote in one hand and the phone in the other. Maybe this is why I hate shopping so very much. You see, my mother is the type of person that wants everyone around her to believe she’s a high class woman. Quote: “Megan, put on some pantyhose for church. Your bare legs look low class” or “Megan, don’t say fuck in public, it sounds low class.” Yes mother, I will only say fuck in the presence of family.

Anyway, yesterday I was talking to The Mary-Rita (I prefer to refer to my mom as The Mary-Rita, it sounds higher class than just Mom)as she drove from her double-wide to the UPS store. Yes, the high class Mary-Rita chooses to live in a double wide trailor in Florida rather then live in a normal house in Kansas. She likes to look tan. It’s high class. So, she gets to the UPS store to return some packages, which she then explains she’s ordered from QVC and had sent to Florida so my Dad won’t know. She used to send the packages home as “gifts” so the price wasn’t on them, but then she could never remember how much she spent. The “faux gold” tiarras weren’t quite what she thought they’d be, so she’s returning them.

The Mary-Rita explains to the UPS guy that she HATES it when people talk on their phones while in the store, but she’s talking to her daughter from Kansas who never calls.

“She’s beautiful and 22, how old are you?”
**The only time my mother ever says I’m beautiful is when she’s either trying to find me a husband or show someone how high class she is, for only high class people have beautiful daughters**

“I’m 22.”

“Megan, did you hear that. He’s 22! You should come down and meet him!”

Yes mother, I’ll just jump a plane down there tomorrow to meet your friend the UPS guy.

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3 replies
  1. Hayley
    Hayley says:

    **Inserted by CrazyBananas from an e-mail that was a reply to an e-mail that explained how to leave comments…all who know Hayley will understand***

    OK, I checked out your website & now everyone on the 3rd floor of Hale Library hates me because I was laughing out-loud histarically for about 10 minutes straight. I was going to leave comments on the web-site but I happen to be technologically challenged and could not figure out how to do this. That is why I am e-mailing you instead. Your new house is sooooo adorable. Is the location close to where you are living now or is it in a different area of KC? How long
    did it take for you to create this website? I can’t even imagine how many hours you must have spent picking out pictures, fonts, colors,
    etc. I would probably end up being completely obsessive compulsive if I were to create my own website. I think that my favorite picture would
    have to be Mara with the bra on her head and I love the polo/crown conversation that the 2 of you had as well. What a character!! Well, I
    better get back to studying. Talk to you soon.

  2. The Mara
    The Mara says:

    Well..I told Hayley about your posting the comment about her, she just received your e-mail back, I explained to her where exactly to go. She’s a silly gal! Right now some cheesy cover band is playing at the wonderful sorority next door (Chi O), just because I am dissing sororities does not mean that I am upset because I can’t be in one, Spooters! I just would rather not listen to their crap without a warning. Actually they aren’t that bad and I’m sure there are quite a few good looking frat boys down there that would just love an 800 pound, tan, freak!? Well, what do you think? SO I have officially over analyzed my relationship with someone I don’t even talk to! Oh, you can guess without me telling you, but I talked to my friend Melissa (she’s a regular at O’Malleys, or was, anyways…) and she said that she would have the same assumption as me. Well, that boy had better like me because I waste alot of my precious gossip time on him and our insignificant “moments”! Well…I just realized I am doing it again, the rambling like I am writing an e-mail, but that’s me, so deal! I just had a yummy spinach mushroom quesadilla with low fat/fat free cheese. It was yummy in my tummy! Oh about the QVC queen, she is crazy and you are not. You may have some of her genes, but darling, you weren’t sent to torture everyone with your QVCness and Chicken nugget obsession. PLEASE do not let anyone tell you that you are your mother, because you are not! That cheesy band that I just said wasn’t that bad, they aren’t that great at singing, or maybe it was the song, but god help me! Alrighty……I guess that you will call me later, hopefully… 🙂

    Your Loyal Poster-

  3. UPS GUY
    UPS GUY says:


    I’m the UPS guy from Flordia, the branch next to the trailor park. Ya, would you stop sending in the bi-polar hippo that smells like 2 week old chicken mcnuggets. She’s a very bad, bad person. She might be satan.


    UPS Guy


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