I still may need the rum.
Quick rundown of last 12 hours.
Went to volleyball game where we actually WON A SET using our never-fail technique of just hitting the ball over the net without setting up any kind of play. I tried to instill a new method of actually playing like all the other teams do, but then we started losing and I was overuled. Then we drank several (5???) pitchers of beer. Then I got very drunk, ordered massive amounts of greasy food and went home.
After my triumphant return home, I decided, once again, I am a mean drunk. I got home, got bitchy and Trent & I got in a rather large screaming match about me being drunk and bitchy (my defense was “you shouldn’t call me a bitch!” while waving my gun in the air). Luckily, no one was hurt, except for the dog who thought she was the bitch of the house and was deeply offended by the accusation that her position would be taken by anyone. She’s still not speaking to me.
After I STORMED OUT IN A DRUNKEN STUPOR, I went for a pleasant walk where I was, thankfully, not obducted by aliens or rapists. At least I don’t think I was.
Then I passed out. I believe Trent had to put the newly washed sheets on the bed while I was sleeping. Not a small task, but he is an incredible man.
Then, when my fucking alarm went off at 5:45 IN THE MORNING, I attempted to walk, and obviously, failed miserably. Spent most of the morning in the bathroom (not showering) and trying to speak real words outloud so that I wouldn’t be talking to this company CEO at 7 a.m. going, “Well (small pause while I vomit) , I think that I would be the biggest slut at your company. I mean assface. I mean asset!”
I guess all stories have a happy ending. She called. I didn’t say assface. I got the job. A bit less money, but much higher quality of life and I won’t want to cut off my big toe on a daily basis. At least, not because of work-related business. Also, I may be the first person to accept a job offer while sitting on the bathroom floor trying to decide which end this demon in my stomach is going to come out of.
Now I just have to figure out how to quit my other hell. I mean job.
CONGRATS! actually I am impressed by your way of really putting your readers in the moment. I really felt like I was a fly on the wall…kinda scary but with a happy ending!
Are you really serious that you have to ‘figure out a way’ to quit. Haven’t you been dreaming of and rehearsing this moment?!?
OMG, that was seriously some funny shit. I’m submitting you to The Pitches local blog ring. They post one every week, and with entries like that one you’ll be soon published. oh, and congrats.
Congrats on the job! Sorry our volleyball game was so rough on you last night. I didn’t realize it was that bad until I read what happened. But you’ll quit the sucky job, and that will make it all worth it in the end.