Recovery : Three Years

1,096 Days Later

Today is a pretty basic Saturday around here. We have a few sports games for the kids, I have a photography session tonight and maybe we’ll even have a family movie night. I’ll make meals, wash clothes, maybe lay in our hammock while the kids and the dog run around the backyard. I won’t save the world today. Today won’t be one for the history books. Today is just a normal, simple day.

But also, not. Because today is never, ever a basic day for me. Three years ago today I made one of the biggest decisions of my life, one that has caused ripples of change throughout my own life and many others. Three years ago today I was reborn.

In the recovery community, we call the anniversary of our last drink our “birthday.” We sometimes even eat cake and blow out some candles. In so many ways, it really IS a birthday, because the person I am today didn’t exist three years ago. The Megan from three years ago was a vastly different person. She was more timid, more afraid. She was always looking over her shoulder, worried that underneath all the sarcasm and humor that someone would figure out who she really was. And if they found out, her life would be over.

Recovery : Three Years

Today I am rarely afraid of being “found out.” I live my life out in the open in a way I never did before. A year ago today I spoke for the first time publicly about my recovery here on this blog, and that was a huge milestone in my life. Even though I’d been in recovery for two years, I never really felt free of the immense shame until I started talking about it. Funny, huh? Fear and shame hold us hostage, when in the end, we held the power to defeat them all along. By sharing my story multiple times over the past year I have been healed. I am no longer ashamed of who I am. I’m damn proud of it!

In the last year so many of you have reached out to me to tell me your own stories. From people struggling with addiction or mental illness, to those of you who are afraid for someone you love who is dealing with his or her demons, to those of you also in recovery giving me virtual and physical hi-fives….every time I open a message from one of you my heart grows three sizes. I’m like the Grinch of recovery. I used to think that everyone in the world was out to get me, but the last year has taught me that connection is the solution. By reaching out, you have helped me immensely. Thank you.

Recovery : Three Years

If you are new on this journey, and you’ve found this post because you don’t know who to talk to, hold tight. It gets easier. Find your tribe, your people who get you. I was so fortunate to find my people on this path. My support system of women and men just like me, from all walks of life, who have held me up, cheered me on, sent me “hell yeah!” texts when I reached a milestone and listened to me cry when I was afraid it was never going to get better. I reached out to them earlier this week because I wanted to make something fun to celebrate today, and they didn’t let me down. We talked about remembering the terror of refusing a drink at a party or gathering and wondering if everyone knew our dirty little secrets. We laughed (yes, laughed…eventually you will laugh again!) about how much changes as you grow in your recovery, and shared different responses for that guy at the party who just WON’T LET IT GO and keeps offering you a cocktail! I loved them so much, I put together this little video to help you out if you’re newly sober and wondering what the heck you say to the dreaded question, “Hey, do you want a drink?”

Here’s to finding the funny again. Here’s to bright eyes and clear hearts. Here’s to no more fuzzy, wine tongue at 3 a.m. Here’s to being who you really are, without numbing and running away.

And here’s to many, many more basic Saturdays.

UnStyled : My Skin Secrets 001

In the past few years, I’ve totally overhauled not only my style, but my health and how I take care of my body. While I’m nowhere near perfect, I have made some changes that have made a significant impact, especially when it comes to my skin. Like many women, I’ve spent tons of money and time attempting to find a “magic” cream to fix issues that have plagued my skin, such as acne, the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, sun damage and dark circles underneath my eyes. But in the past two or three years, I’ve finally found some solutions, most of which cost very little.

Unstyled Skin Secrets

The number one thing I’ve done to enhance my skin is quit drinking alcohol. While there are obviously numerous benefits to quitting drinking, this was so tangible and evident, it really helped me keep my resolve when I first stopped imbibing. Within two weeks of quitting, my skin was transformed, and it’s continued to get better as time goes on. My acne and dark spots on my face cleared up, my fine lines smoothed out, my eyes were transformed – no longer puffy or dark – and my skin now has a healthy glow. I also started drinking tons of water each day, and recently have cut out most sodas and sugary drinks. I was told by my favorite makeup artist, the best way to get rid of dark circles or undereye puffiness is to drink a giant glass of cold water. She was right! If you suffer from sallow skin or undereye issues, before you apply any makeup, try drinking a tall glass of water and wait five minutes. You’ll be shocked at the difference.

However, even as my skin has become remarkably healthier, I have had some issues arise that needed specific attention. Earlier this year I noticed small patches of acne appearing on my chin. These weren’t like my past acne, they were painful and seemed to spread quickly. A few months ago I switched over to oil cleansing as opposed to harsh soaps, so I thought maybe that was the culprit. But after trying every over-the-counter application, nothing helped!

After some research and a doctor’s visit, I found out that I was suffering from something called cystic acne. This condition is characterized by large, painful bumps, usually deep in the skin. It stays around for quite a long time, and can cause scarring. It is brought on (for me) by stress and hormones, which explains why it showed up right around when I went to New York City for the first time this spring and was completely overwhelmed with life/work stress. I wasn’t sleeping, my diet wasn’t great and I wasn’t taking very good care of myself, which all contributed to this issue.

My doctor said he could prescribe a steroid, but I wanted to try some natural treatments before I jumped to medication. The first thing I did was cut down on sugar and salt in my diet. I’m sort of a sweet tooth, so I couldn’t cut it out COMPLETELY, but I did my best. I also made sleep more of a priority. I was working late into the night, and found I was unable to slow down my brain when I was done, so I’d end up sitting up watching TV or reading until 2 or 3 in the morning. I decided to try and stop working at night (for the most part) and get up earlier to work instead.

cystic acne facial mask

I also found this incredible, natural, affordable treatment for cystic acne. You take equal parts lemon juice and apple cider vinegar, then mix in turmeric powder to make a paste. You leave it on your inflamed skin for five to ten minutes, then wash off (beware: the turmeric will leave a slight yellow stain on your skin, so you will probably have to use soap and water with a warm washcloth and not just rinse with water). I would follow this up with a touch of moisturizer.

The combination of the lemon juice (an astringent), the vinegar (restores pH balance) and turmeric (an anti-inflammatory) helped clear up my acne in about three days. The diet, stress and sleep changes help keep the condition away, but I know if I flare up again, this mask will be the first thing I try! Turns out I don’t need expensive creams or treatments to keep my skin healthy and happy. Some sleep, a lot of water and a few items in my own kitchen do the trick!

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