*pretends my kids have been actually completing their distance learning assignments when really they’ve been sleeping until noon and playing with foster puppies WHATEVER I’M DOING MY BEST! ? Here’s to all the quarantine parents trying to make this thing work, without totally ruining our kids for life. Just keep going. We can do this.
One of the things Tate and I have been doing since we’ve all been home during quarantine is running together. This kid needs a lot of structure to stay active, and when a friend mentioned the Couch to 5K app, I figured we would give it a shot.
This run was the same as many of them, but different, because we talked about Ahmaud Arbery. I consider talking to our white sons about the reality of racism and bigotry to be one of the most important jobs of motherhood. Not just Martin Luther King, Jr., but Malcom X, Michael Brown, Emmett Till, Sandra Bland, Tamir Rice, and Trayvon Martin too. And so many more.
It’s hard to resist whitewashing racism for him, to make it easier on myself. But that’s why these kinds of horrors keep happening. So I told him the truth. And I told him that as a white boy who will become a white man, it’s part of his duty to speak up. It’s also part of his duty to hand the microphone over to those who don’t often get the chance to speak.
We talked about how his grandpa was on the first integrated high school basketball team in St. Louis, and when they’d travel, his black teammates weren’t allowed to eat in the restaurants they’d stop at on the road. So he, alone, would go inside, get them food, and eat on the bus with them.
Tate comes from a long line of resisters and I pray every day that he uses his white, male privilege to do good in the world. But he won’t be able to do that if we don’t tell him the truth about how the world really is. #irunwithmaud
The following post includes photos from my daily #ScenesFromOurQuarantine series on Instagram, along with portions of my journal entries from the past six and a half weeks. While I have certainly gotten quieter on the blog in the past few years, I thought it might be nice to share some thoughts and images from this strange time in our lives. I am sending love to anyone and everyone reading this…I hope you are healthy and safe.
March 15, 2020
I truly cannot believe that any of this is happening. It feels like a dream (nightmare?) and when I wake in the morning, for a quick moment I forget it’s real. It’s here. COVID-19 is here. This weekend, while we hunkered down at home, doing our best to practice “social distancing” – a term I’m sure we will grow to hate – irresponsible people went out to bars and parties. A majority is not taking this seriously, and it’s scaring the crap out of me.
There have been bright spots, like watching Little Women with Lucy. We both sobbed when Beth died and she yelled out loud at Laurie for being a complete dumbass! I went and got journals for them to write in because I think we will want to remember this in 20 years. Plus, I’m hopeful it will help them process everything. It’s only going to get more difficult and strange. I hope I am able to guide them through it.
March 16, 2020
Today I finally received notice that we will be able to transition to working from home. The minute I got the call, my stress lifted, and I immediately felt safer. This evening we found out all schools will be closed until April 3rd, and starting at midnight, all restaurants, retail shops and movie theaters will be closed. It just doesn’t feel real.
March 19, 2020
The kids and I went on a family walk with the dog today. There were tons of families out together, keeping a good distance, but trying to enjoy themselves and each other. One of the gratitudes I am finding right now is that life seems to be slowing down. For years I’ve talked about how out of control our life has felt, espeically as the kids have gotten older. Just a week ago I was getting up at 5 a.m. so I could get Lucy to skating before work. Then I’d work all day and come home to practice or lessons or a board meeting. I’d fall into bed and then wake up at 5 the next day and do it again. Now all of that feels like another lifetime.
March 29, 2020
For now, I think it’s okay to find small joys. To be hopeful. To smile and laugh and find gratitude. I’m sure I won’t feel this way for long. I am grateful we are doing everything we can to stop the spread. We won’t be perfect, but we will do our best. It’s all we can do.
April 6, 2020
I know while my ability to stay home is a privledge, it is also my duty. If you can stay home, you should. So we do. But it’s just incredibly odd. We are finding this new normal. Our lives are going to be really different from here on out. I feel weirdly calm about it. And then I feel guilt for feeling calm. So many are suffering. And all I can do is hope we’ve done enough.
April 7, 2020
I’m feeling grateful every day that I have had years of practice “staying in the day.” Recovery really was a crash course for how to survive a pandemic. Everything is changing, but we can’t focus on the past or the future. Right now is where we have to live, and thank god I’ve had practice because I’m awful at it!
April 8, 2020
Today was a harder day.
April 13, 2020
Another Monday in quarantine is done. It’s been four weeks. It feels like such a long time. Almost like another lifetime. I’m grateful for all the time together with the kids. It feels like a good thing to have a lot of control over there whereabouts right now. I haven’t had to worry about my kids being in a school shooting, overwhelming peer pressure, too competitive sports, school friendship drama or grades in over a month. And that has felt glorious. Those were all huge weights I was carrying with no end in sight…and now they are just gone. I don’t miss them. I do miss quiet time in my car, coffee at my desk at work, endless hours to get things done at work (not really, but looking back, being at work vs working from home while home schooling meant it felt endless), stopping at Target after work, the library, movie theater popcorn, chats with other moms in the bleachers at skating, my in-laws, watching Lucy skate or Tate hit a home run, evenings at the farm, my dad’s hugs….a lot. Just like everything else, there is good and bad. I guess we are all learning to live with it.
April 23, 2020
Today was a better day.
April 24, 2020
Gratitudes of Quarantine:
- Family dinners (which we’ve never done before)
- My garden
- Don’t have to dress up or wear makeup
- My sleep is the best its been in years
- No rush to get out of the house in the morning
- Leisure time in the evenings
- Runs and walks with Tate
- Watching my favorite movies with Lucy
- Trent and I sharing the load at home
- I can work easily from home
- Shatto Home Delivery on Thursday mornings
- Our quiet neighborhood now that the cars are not loud on the neighboring highway
- So far, no one I love is sick