When Life Gives You Lemons

Today was the first day of my week-long mama vacation. I decided to take a week off between leaving the old job and starting the new one, just to get some long-term items off my to-do list. These include visit the dentist, bitch out my chiropractor for the bill they sent that is completely ridiculous, get a haircut, get new glasses and finally see the movie Juno. In truth, all I really wanted to do was have a nice lunch by myself. With no one. Alone.

So when Trent headed out the door with Lucy this morning and the house was quiet, I thought, “I can’t believe this.” I spoke too soon. Timeline of the day is as follows:

7:30 a.m. – Trent leaves to go to work and take Lu to daycare. Yes, she’s still going to daycare this week, as we pay for it regardless and it would be too hard to keep all of these appointments with her in tow. And I’m selfish.

8:00 a.m. – Trent returns with Lu. Daycare provider has the flu. Day goes to shit. Slowly.

8:30 a.m. – As I feed Lucy a belated breakfast of hotdogs and pineapple, my old job calls. Big emergency. Would I mind coming in for extra pay?

8:35 a.m. – Get email from Trent on state of finances. Say “SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!” and pack up for work.

8:45 a.m. – Load Lu into the car and head downtown.

9:15 a.m. – Start work with kid crap everywhere. People keep saying, “Wasn’t your last day Friday?” Yes. Yes it was.

9:30 a.m. – Bust out the iPod.

10:00 a.m. – Plan escape route.

12:00 p.m. – Finally leave and head home.

1 to 3 p.m. – Lu refuses to nap. I plan another escape. Watch this.

Appointments kept – 0
Bills completed – 0
Pipes burst in the basement – 1
Naps taken – 0
Movies watched – 0
Glasses ordered – 0
Imagined martinis drank – 10