Growing Up
A few days ago, I was talking to a friend who has just found out she will soon be a mother. Her story is similar to mine; unplanned, unmarried, unsure. Although, she seems to be handling everything much more smoothly and calmly than I was. I belive I immediately went in to shock and then grumped around for nine months about how horrible my life was. She, on the other hand, is taking everything in stride, making plans, but not letting her head explode when they fall through. She is happy. Scared, but happy. For the longest time I was just plain scared. Terrified that I would never be good at this thankless job. That my daughter would end up flawed because of me. That she wouldn’t live up to expectations, but most of all, that I wouldn’t live up to expectations as her mother. That I would melt under the pressure, and take my darling girl with me.
After the phone call from my friend, I sat thinking about how far I’ve come in the last three plus years since the two pink lines on the pregnancy test changed my world forever. As all of my friends have started to get married and have children of their own, I’ve somehow become a sage of parenting wisdom. Granted, my wisdom is usually completely faked and made up during spur-of-the-moment phone calls, but people come to me for advice. Because whether or not they agree with the way I’m raising Lulu, they know I’ve been there before. I’ve sat up nights, wondering if I will ever sleep again. I’ve dropped my kid on her head accidentally. I’ve stood up against mean moms and scary La Leche League advisors. I’ve tried every type of binky on the planet before giving up and letting the kid suck her thumb. I’ve had to say no to old friends because my life is now so different than theirs.
I’ve been there. And while each day changes my perspective completely, I’ve come out of it relatively unscathed. Happy, even. So they continue to call, with questions about swaddling blankets and daycare options and the ever-present mom-guilt. And I listen, trying not to advise, but to tell them my story…what worked for me.
Two weeks ago we moved Lulu from her second hand crib to a brand new “big girl” bed. Going against all expectations, the transistion was completely simple. She didn’t cry, get out of the bed during the night or whine for her crib. She slept peacefully, so excited to be a big kid, and has every night since.
We all make mistakes. No matter if it’s in our own lives, or while trying to shape the lives of others. But despite all of my missteps, I have her. So I must be doing something right.
An Evening Chat With Lulu from Megan on Vimeo.
That was amazing! Such a great video that shows EXACTLY what Lu is like, simply joyfull.
By the way, you did not grumple around for nine months! Just the first two and the last two 😉
You’re a great mom and everyone knows it! Aww, the video doesn’t work.
ohh, now it is. nevermind.
Okay…is Mara pregnant?
What!!? No!
No, not Mara 🙂 Although when I imagine Mara’s face when she read that, it’s almost worth it to tell you guys it is her!
More calm and smooth than you huh? HA! I’m just a great actress. I’m definitely scared out of my mind. I keep asking myself, how in the heck I’m suppose to be in charge of a little one when I can’t even figure out what I want for dinner most of the time. But talking to you made me feel a lot better. You’re an amazing mom. And seeing Lu’s video just makes me excited for the adventure ahead. 🙂