Today I turn 30 years old. I’m not sad or afraid or embarrassed about this fact. Actually, I’m pretty damn excited about it. When you graduate from college at 21, get married at 22 and have your first child at 23, you get pretty tired of feeling like the youngest girl in the room. I spent such a long time feeling insecure about my age (which is so dumb, please don’t do that), so turning 30 for me is something to celebrate! I don’t fear getting older. I fear not getting older. I lost a great friend when I was way too young to deal with or understand anything of the sort, so today, for me, is like a “hell yes!” to the universe. I made it. I did it. I survived. Yay me.
I’ve been thinking lately of how I’ve changed in the past ten, fifteen, even twenty years, and what I’d tell a younger me if I met Marty McFly and found myself in some weird time warp. (I may be a grown up now, but I’m still a weirdo.) And since today is my thirtieth, here are thirty things I’d tell a younger version of myself, in no particular order.
1. At thirty, your eyes are no longer blue, but more of a blue green like your grandmother. They were blue when you was twenty. Now they’re not. It’s cool. Green eyes are super rare (genetically), so really, you’re like a superhero.
2. You will be double digit pounds heavier at thirty than when you were twenty. At twenty you were going to Weight Watchers because you felt fat in the company of your gorgeous sorority sisters. That makes me want to slap some sense in to you, Twenty-Year-Old Megan, but I won’t because it would hurt and I’m afraid it might break this awesome time warp thing.
3. You are an artist. It will take you a while to believe that, but it’s true.
4. Making and keeping good friends (like, really good friends that love you no matter what stupid crap you do) is the most important thing you will do in the next ten years.
5. If you eat gelato every day for three months you will start to resemble the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters.
6. Find a guy who thinks the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters is adorable. He will also find you adorable.
7. Being smart is super sexy.
8. Wavy hair is really pretty, so stop straightening it with a hot iron it until you burn it off. That’s dumb.
9. Dancing to Britney Spears can heal any pain.
10. Having kids will remind you of who you are and who you want to be.
11. When you’re 30, you will have to buy shapewear to lift up those things that should be perky and smush together things that should be smushed. It could be worse.
12. You are not a person who gets tan in the sun, sorry. Seriously, you should always wear SPF 15 or higher, even in the winter. You won’t regret it.
13. Red lipstick can make an outfit.
14. If people make fun of your clothes, you’re probably doing it right.
15. If people make fun of you in general, you’re probably doing it right.
16. Stop punishing yourself for crap you did when you were in your early twenties. In fact, stop punishing yourself in general. Move on.
17. Television shows from the early years of the CW/WB will always be the best you’ve ever seen.
18. It’s okay to love sci-fi. In fact, it’s awesome.
19. You have to work to make shit happen. So work.
20. Being blond does not make you dumb.
21. It’s okay to like NPR, reading thesis papers and watching the Kardashians.
22. No one thing can make you stupid, just as no one thing can make you smart.
23. You are who you are, but changes can be made to make you better. And happier.
24. Your biggest critic will always be yourself. So tell yourself to shut it. Trust me. You have no idea what you’re talking about anyway.
25. Using Bumble and Bumble curl creme will save you 20 minutes on your morning beauty routine.
26. Stand up for what you believe in, but remember one belief doesn’t make a person. You may disagree with others on certain topics, but try to remember they want the world to be a better place too, even if you don’t agree on how to get there.
27. Keep writing about your life, even though people think it’s strange. You’ll be so happy one day to have a living record of who are were, who you are, and where you came from.
28. Sing in private. Make sure no one in the vicinity has a video recording device of any kind.
29. Grab your husband’s butt in public. Everyone will think you’re annoying, but whatever. It’s cool.
30. You’re awesome. Don’t forget that.
