Blog

In case anyone is still reading this site, we are still attempting to make some major changes. That, combined with my new FULL TIME JOB plus Lucy plus Trent plus gin equals no posting on this site. Sorry. I probably should write something about the horrible thing that happened on Monday, but I really have no words. There is evil in the world, and, apparently, sometimes evil cannot be stopped. My prayers are with everyone affected, and hopefully, someday, somehow, we can get something positive out of this horrible event. Sometimes I just can’t understand people.

But I can understand Steve Martin. Because he is funny. And weirdly hot (I know, totally gross). And reminds me of my dad (again, I know I said he was hot and now I’m saying he reminds me of my dad…Freud would have a field day with that one!). And did I mention funny?

A selection:

Several years ago, In California, I ate my first clam and said it tasted “like a gonad dipped in motor oil.” I would like to apologize to Bob ‘n’ Betty’s Clam Fiesta, and especially to Bob, who I found out later had only one testicle. I would like to apologize to the waitress, June, and her affiliates, and to the DePaul family dog, who suffered the contents of my nauseated stomach.

Once, in Hawaii, I had sex with a hundred-and-two-year-old male turtle. It is hard to argue that it was consensual. I would like to apologize to the turtle, his family, the Kahala Hilton Hotel, and the hundred or so diners who were eating at the Hilton’s outdoor café. I would also like to apologize to my loyal wife Karen, who had to endure the subsequent news item in the “Also Noted” section of the Santa Barbara Women’s Club Weekly.

Read more here.