Hitting Refresh

Howdy! #fmsphotoaday #hello

Oh, hey there, Internet! It’s been a while, huh?

Last week, as things went from bad to worse in the national news, I found myself, for the first time in ages, unable to post here. I’m going through some personal things as well, and along with my uncle’s funeral and the anniversary of my dear friend Frank’s death, I just couldn’t find the stamina to write. And for the first time in YEARS, I allowed myself that time. Time to work on healing and resting, instead of plowing right through everything like an angry bulldozer. There is something to be said for my new, somewhat forced outlook on life, which allows for such things instead of my trademark “Everything is fine, just leave me alone because I can do this!” Truth is, I probably could’ve gotten a post or two up last week, I just didn’t feel like it. I wanted to snuggle with my kids and go on date night with my husband and work in my yard and visit friends. I wanted to have an evening out shopping and an evening in with a fantastically horrible/wonderful Hallmark movie. I wanted to be outside, watching my daughter conquer whatever has been holding her back in soccer and scream like a madwoman when she played the best game of her life and won MVP for her team. I needed to concentrate on how fast she’s growing, her opinions becoming more pronounced and her teeth falling out of her mouth, completely changing her appearance. Basically, I needed to be elsewhere last week. And so, I was.

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Little brothers playing pee wee #soccer while big sisters practice for tomorrow's game (@stinads)

Dad, I think I'm gonna pull it out.... And she did.

We love spring! #sun #flare #spring #twirl

Oh hai, we r super funny!

These beauties are straight up making my day right now... #flowers #tulips #spring

Fun night at the @madewell store 1 year anniversary at Town Center with @laneodle!

So, that’s what I’ve been up to. How about you, Internet? Did you take some time to breath this weekend? What’s keeping you sane these days? If you need a Hallmark movie of the week to watch, I have one to recommend!

(Photos from top: My nametag from a fun blogger meetup/shopping excursion at Madewell in KC, Lu playing the best soccer game of her life (2), Tate and his friend playing peewee soccer while their older sisters practice, Lu decided that tooth needed to come out so she pulled it, twirling on a rare spring-like day, goofing in the mirror after bathtime, some pretty tulips from Trader Joe’s warming up my living room, a fun night out with Miss Lane at the Madewell event | All photos excepting the two soccer game images were taken with the iPhone. The soccer images were taken with the Canon 60D.)

Love Will Always Win

Today I sat at my computer watching the cursor blink. Flash. Flash. Flash. Nothing.

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How can this keep happening? What is wrong with the world? Why? WHY?!

I used to get really angry at the injustice on our planet. I used to rage and scream and beat my chest until my heart rate was beyond safe. I would rant and yell and blame everyone.

But somewhere along the line, my reaction changed. I’m still mad. Deep down, I’m still so angry I could scream. But then I look around at all the good in the world, and a bit of love breaks through. People who ran towards the injured, disregarding their own safety. This Google spreadsheet where thousands of people in the Boston area offered shelter and help to those who couldn’t get somewhere safe. Runners who, after a grueling test of their bodies while running the marathon, went straight to blood donation centers.

It’s so true, when the worst of humanity bears it’s head, the best of humanity retaliates in mass force. Hate has always existed, but humans have persevered. Like Patton Oswalt said, so very eloquently, the good outnumber the bad in this world. If they didn’t, we’d be extinct. I’m holding on to that today, and remembering all the simple kindnesses that were afforded to me this week, especially on Monday as we buried my beloved uncle who had passed away and then came home to the news out of Boston.

I heard this song today, rolled down my windows and sang as loud as my horrid voice could bear. You should do the same. It just might help you to feel the love.


I’ve been in love with love and the idea of something binding us together.
You know that Love is strong enough.
And I’ve seen time tell tales about that systematic drug. Well yea, that heart that beats as one.
It’s collectively, unconsciously composed.

Do you feel the love?
I feel the love.
Come on, come on.
Lets start it up.
Let it pour out of your soul.

The Wisdom of Two Year Olds

Getting shorts on this boy was so dramatic! He thought they were "broken" pants. #2yearold

Hey, hey, it’s FRIDAY! I hope you all are gearing up for a fun weekend, and if you celebrate Easter, I hope you get lots of pink jellybeans in your basket (they’re the best kind, in my opinion). We are getting ready to head back to the farm to spend the weekend with family, but I wanted to share a quick story before I go. As you all know, this week the Supreme Court is hearing a case that might help decide the future of marriage equality in this country. If you know me at all (or have been reading this blog for any sort of time), you know I’m a huge supporter of marriage equality and equality in general. I was raised to believe that people can love whoever the heck they want, and I’m raising my kids with the same lessons. In fact, Lucy has several friends with same sex parents and doesn’t understand what all the hoopla is about some people not wanting same sex couples to be married. Tate is still a little young to understand any of this…I mean, his greatest concern in life is whether or not his Thomas the Train is within two inches of him at all times….so we haven’t yet spoken to him about equality or government or anything that doesn’t directly relate to said train or the amount of macaroni he must eat before he has a cookie.

Today Tate and I were out to lunch when he started up with his adorable two-year-old antics. He started pointing at the other people in the restaurant and LOUDLY telling me all about them.

“Mama! That girl has macaroni too!”

“Mama, they lookin’ at me!”

“Mama eat noodles?”

“That boy wear a red hat!”

Et cetera and so on…you get the gist. A few tables over there were two 30-something men with their little baby, having a nice little lunch. Tate looked at them and screamed “TWO DADDIES! TWO!!!” while pointing at their table. I looked at him and said, “Yup, they have two daddies.” Tate immediately started laughing and cheering, “YAY!!! TWO DADDIES! YAAAAYYYYY!!!” He was so happy and excited that that little baby had two daddies, it made every inch of my body beam with pride. The two men looked over, laughed, smiled and waved at Tate, who clearly thought they were rock stars. I mean, how lucky is that family? They get TWO DADDIES!

I hope someday everyone can be as open and accepting as my crazy Tater. We could all learn quite a bit from wise, little two-year-olds….

Love and Lights

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine... #day7 #hanukkah #hope

Tonight is the last night of our very first Hanukkah. If you are wondering when we converted to Judaism, you aren’t alone. We’ve had a few questions about our celebration of the holiday this year, but the best way I can describe it is we’re not a religious crew. Trent and I have very different ideas about religion and God in general, but to put it plainly, I have a very hard time believing in any religion these days. I grew up in a Catholic church and school, studied Islam and Judaism in college, and spent my first few years post-grad as a member of a United Methodist church here in Kansas City. Heck, I even had Lucy baptized. But here is the thing, while I believe in certain aspects of religions (souls, for example) I have a really, really hard time believing wholeheartedly in any particular religion. Basically, where I am right now, is knowing I believe that I don’t know everything about the universe, and it would be quite silly of me to claim that I do. I believe that when my children came into this world, they were gifted with beautiful souls that I saw on the day they were born and every day since. I look at the beauty and love around me every day, and I can’t imagine there is no “God” or spiritual wonderment. I believe in science and technology, doctors and nurses, teachers and leaders. I believe that things do happen by chance, but I also believe you have choices that will change aspects of your life. I believe a lot of things.

So when Lucy asked why we didn’t celebrate Hanukkah, I couldn’t give her a good reason. I know quite a bit about the holiday, so we talked about it, and she asked if we could celebrate it along with Christmas. I said yes. And here we are, on day eight, getting ready to light all the candles on our Target bought Menorah.

Last night, as I watched my two beautiful children gazing at the lit candles, my heart was so very heavy. Like any mother or father, both Trent and I took the news out of Connecticut pretty hard. Lucy is in first grade, the same age as many of the children murdered yesterday, and it took everything in me to not go pick her up early from school and hold her close, never letting her out of my sight again. I can’t explain to her why these things happen…I can’t tell her it’s God’s plan or that this children are in heaven. I just can’t do that. But watching those candles flicker in the dark, I did the closest thing I can do to praying. I gathered up every good thought and beautiful moment I could think of, and sent it out into the ether, hoping if those beautiful souls are out there somewhere, they could feel the goodness. Hoping that those parents and families might feel a touch of it as well, although I’m sure it is much too soon for them to see any good left in the world. I hope that if they are people of faith, their faith will help them through this. I hope other people of faith will find ways to lift them up through their religious beliefs, and leave the ideological squabbling for another day.

Most of all, I hope for love. I hope all the love in the world is put out into the universe during this holiday season. The lights on my Menorah tonight will be a beacon of love and hope in my home. And we’re sending all our light and love your way.

Happy Election Day!!!

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I hope you all get out and vote today! Voting is one of the most incredible rights we have as Americans, and if you don’t use it, you really are a dummy. Growing up, one of the most important and brilliant things my dad did was always take me with him when he voted, and I’m proud to carry on that tradition with my own kids. Today Lucy was by my side as I picked my candidates and made my voice heard. If you haven’t voted yet, get out there and get it done! Happy Election Day!

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