Guest Banana: Life in Alabama – Part Two

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Abbiekins

As I’m attempting to break a bit from this blog, I asked a few friends to fill in here and there, and my lovely buddy Abbie was quick to respond. She’s been looking for a way to share her deep love hatred thoughts about her new state, as she became a full blown Southerner a few months back. You can read her first guest post here.

A few months ago I submitted a guest post to CB about my new life in Alabama and how, unbelievably, it was a complete culture shock to go from life in Kansas, to life in the real bible belt: Alabama. Those of you who live in Kansas and think you are in the bible belt are sorely mistaken. Visit Alabama – there is a Southern Baptist Church on every corner – just like Walgreens.

Unfortunately, after 6 months in Alabama, not a lot has changed. Still bored, still Christian (vs. Baptist) and still trying to find my niche.

1: It’s official – I registered my car (finally – I was in denial). I was given two choices of license plates.

Option A: God Bless Alabama
Option B: Sweet Home Alabama

Since my God is different from the Alabama God, I went with Sweet Home Alabama – the license plate came complete with a CD of that damn Sweet Home Alabama song and now every time I drive my car, that damn song is in my head!

2: All my friends know that I am an avid perfume collector (freak) and I am quite proud of my collection which includes Versace, Gucci, FCUK, Calvin Klein, LaCoste – just to name a few. I recently realized I no longer have use for smelling good since the only place I go is the gym and I spend all day in my sweats. The other day I looked at my perfume collection looking all neglected so I decided to wear my coveted Versace to the gym. I was the best smelling sweaty person there. If I was a giving person I would send my perfume to my friends who still have social lives and could put it to good use….but I’m selfish so I’m going to keep it to myself. Maybe if I break down and join the Baptist Church, I can wear my perfume on Sunday’s!

What keeps me going is my countdown to March 31st when I will go with Meg and Mara to see Britney Spears. No laughing because Britney is brilliant. Megan will be glad to know Fox News finally pissed me off because they dared to talk smack about Britney this morning.

Oh well, there will be more posts from Alabama as I search for positives – really, there are a few, but they just aren’t as funny as the negatives!

Guest Banana: The Truth About Alabama

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Dance Off

In happier days, performing a wicked dance off

As has been previously mentioned, a few months ago my no-longer-pregnant buddy, Abbie, moved away and left me here to rot. OK, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but she did move away, to Alabama of all places, and has been spending many weeks trying to adjust to a whole new world. Just a few weeks ago I called her, and she informed me that she was sitting in her basement during a tornado warning, which was taking place due to whatever hurricane was currently in the area.

Abbie: I thought moving away from Kansas would mean no more tornados!
Luke (Abbie’s husband): Yeah, and when you ask for tea here, no matter where you are, they give you sweet tea!
Abbie: Yeah, f*&#cking sweet tea.

So I decided to have Abbie write some guest posts about her trek to this new, foreign land. Here’s the first of (hopefully) many. Enjoy!

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I am so honored to have been asked by my best friend, Meg, to write a guest post. Although I’m not the talented writer that she is, I will attempt to not bore you all to death.

When my first born child, Carson, a.k.a. C-Man, was three months old, my dear husband informed me we were packing up and moving to Auburn, Alabama, as he was offered a pretty kick ass job with the Auburn Athletics Department. So in less than a month, we bought a house, packed up, and headed to the semi-great state of Alabama. I have been a Kansas girl my whole life and I am amazed that although I still live in the continental United States, I am in a whole different culture full of bibles, SEC Football and boiled peanuts.

#1: I can’t understand a word people say here. When our 800 pound mover was trying to teach me the “Southern Language,” I was a little disturbed that he asked me if I had ever eaten foreskin. After five minutes I realized I couldn’t understand his heavy accent, and it turns out he was actually asking if I’d ever eaten pork skin. 90 percent of my day is spent responding with the word, “What???” because I again, didn’t understand what was said to me. I have settled with the fact the people here think I am deaf.

#2: Never say “Oh My God” – I learned that the hard way when I said those exact words to our realtor (on accident) and I got the look that said my fate was certain to hold eternal damnation in the depths of hell. However, upon moving to this state, IMMEDIATELY begin saying “ya’ll” or you will never fit in.

#3: Unless I want to join a bible study, I will never make a friend in this state! – Which leads to #4.

#4: Kansas IS NOT the Bible Belt.

#5: Ants, Bugs, and MORE Ants!! Do not try to take on Fire Ants because you will most certainly lose. It is sad that the C-Man will never enjoy the luxury of playing on a swing set in our backyard for fear the ants will claim his swing as their holy ground. Poor kid.

#6: Here comes the sappy one – Don’t hate on Kansas. I am aware of all the flaws Kansas presents, but overall, it is a really wonderful place. At least to me, Kansas is the place where my family is and all my best friends are.

#7: I am amazingly caught up on every MTV show in existence due to my impending boredom. During Carson’s nap I immerse myself in the glory of MTV. Parental Control, Busted, The Hills, and dare I say the beginning of Paris Hilton’s quest to find a new BFF. Okay, even I won’t go there.

There are a few good things about my new state, however, I will keep searching for those things and present them in a later guest post.

Signing Out From Alabama,
Abbie

Nacho Abbie

How much will she hate me for posting this photo? Any guesses?

Confessions of a Couch Potato

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Guest Bananas Title

When Megan asked me to put together a post on my T.V. picks, I was thrilled. As a little girl raised on soaps and the A-Team, I have developed an appreciation for programming that is often trashy and over-the-top. My taste in T.V. is pretty diverse, though a little heavy on “soapy” shows. Here’s my list of all that is wonderful this fall:

Chuck
Monday, 7:00 p.m. CST, NBC
This is a new one. I watched it on a whim and have to say it is a great, new show. Chuck is a funny, yet sympathetic character, and someone we can all identify with. Also, if you like shows with women who can kick some serious ass, you’ll love Agent Sarah Walker. If you haven’t seen this one yet, definitely watch it. You won’t be sorry.

Heroes
Monday, 8:00 p.m. CST, NBC
I was forced into watching this one last season with Keegan and was drawn to its intersecting plot lines and fast pace. A few of the characters drive me crazy, but on the whole, the show has a great cast. If you’re a first time watcher, I recommend renting last season’s episodes or catching up online, because there are a lot of characters. Also, for a little man candy, you might want to check out Milo Ventimiglia without his shirt on. Yum.

The Hill’s
Monday, 9:00 p.m. CST, MTV
This season is in full-swing, but it is one of my favorites. From verbal bitch slaps to Spencer’s ability to sound like a complete idiot, it represents all that is wonderful in reality T.V. Scripted or not, The Hill’s is right mix of fantasy and reality.

Gossip Girl
Wednesday, 8:00 p.m. CST, CW
I LOVE THIS SHOW. From the Kristen Bell voiceovers to the totally, unrealistic storylines, Gossip Girl is the ultimate escape. After a stressful week, it is nice to wonder “What will S & B do tonight?”

Dirty, Sexy, Money
Wednesday, 9:00 p.m. CST, ABC
All I can say is “Wow.” This show is well-acted, well-written and surprising. The Darling family is corrupt and crazy, and most-importantly, interesting to watch. I hope the momentum of this show continues throughout the season.

The Office
Thursday, 7:30 p.m. CST, NBC
Michael Scott: “So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a little fish in a big pond. Whereas back here in Scranton I am still top dog, in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss? The dog or a fish?”
I have long been a fan of The Office. If you’re not watching it, start now.

Ugly Betty
Thursday, 7:00 p.m. CST, ABC
When people talk about Ugly Betty, they normally mention “how Betty really teaches us about inner beauty.” This is not the best part of the show. If you’ve never watched it, you should know it is incredibly funny, sweet and charming with one-liners that are just the right amount of bitchy. And unlike Gossip Girl, the characters are flawed and very real in spite of the outrageous storylines.

Scrubs
Thursday, 8:00 p.m. CST, NBC
Scrubs is off-the-wall, goofy-funny. It does cover some heavy issues, but always puts me in a good mood. Appletini anyone?

Desperate Housewives
Sunday, 8:00 p.m. CST, ABC
Some of you may have given up on DH a while ago, but I am glad I stuck with it. There’s a new neighbor on Wisteria Lane played by Dana Delaney, Edie is up to some scandalous tricks, Gaby and Carlos are having an affair, Bree has a fake baby bump – Don’t you think it’s time you gave the housewives a second chance?

Shows I’m Putting on Notice:

Private Practice and Grey’s Anatomy
Wednesday and Thursday, 8:00 p.m. CST, ABC
I’m on the fence with these two. I had high expectations for both, but after watching the premieres I think Shonda Rimes may have stretched herself too thin. Typically, the writing in Grey’s is phenomenal, but in this last episode, it was a little weak. Also, Private Practice was really SLOOOOOOOOOOW to me. I’m hoping they start focusing on the relationships again for both shows, or I’ll have to find something new to DVR. To find out what the writers were thinking, visit their blog.

Happy watching!
XOXO – Lane

Guest Bananas

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Guest Bananas Title

Welcome to a whole new section of Crazy Bananas, called Guest Banana. Are you excited? Well, you should be. I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with all of these dang responsibilities that being a mom, wife, IT consultant, Power Point operator, writer and primetime television watcher entails. So, in order to ease the burden a bit, I’ve decided to, from time to time, ask people to be Guest Bananas, AKA guest writers on this site. The first Guest Banana column will be next week, so I thought I’d introduce our premier Guest Banana, Lane. Take it away, Lane!

Hmm…What to say about me? You’re about to find out I like T.V. A grossly, obscene amount of television. And, most of it is pretty trashy. While I could try to impress you with my literary knowledge, I will instead reveal some of my other favorite things:

Fashion
Romance novels
Celebrity gossip
Magazines
Cooking
Mexican Food
Beaches
Rap Music
Movies
And Dancing

I just reread my list of likes and realized I sound like a 50 year-old shut-in with several cats or a 13 year-old whose signature color is PINK! You might also be thinking, “Ex-Hawaiian Tropic model?” But, you would be wrong.

In actuality, I am a very busy, 26 year-old. Recently married, my husband Keegan and I spend the majority of our time trying to keep up with an ever-growing list of activities. Most of which include alcohol and food. (I know, tough life.) I’m from small town Kansas and after graduating from KU, I moved to Kansas City and started working in marketing. Megan and I met at one of the jobs I’m not allowed to talk about on here, and since then, we’ve stayed in contact due to a shared love and appreciation of Cat Town.

When I check in to the Beverly Hills Hotel, you will find me under the name Jessica Messica

Look for Lane’s column on primetime TV next week.

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