Friendship Goals

Welcome 2018 Part 2 : Friendship Goals

This is a continuation of my post last week on my 2018 goals and plans…you can read part one by clicking here.

While there are tons of things I could’ve focused on for 2018, taking stock of and working on creating more connection and friendship in my life was at the top of my list. Why? Well, there are multiple reasons, but the main one is that I am lonely. Ugh, that’s embarrassing to admit, but it’s true. I feel a real lack of connection in my daily life, especially with other women, and that’s something that I’d like to change. Honestly, it’s something I’ve wanted to change FOREVER, but I just haven’t had the guts to really do anything about it.

Friendship Goals

I feel like I’m a fairly good friend, but as an outgoing introvert, I often find “friend activities” draining. This is especially true with new friends, where I don’t have a history or ease of communication. There are so many reasons excuses why I haven’t built the friend community that I’d like:

– I had kids when I was young, so I couldn’t relate to people my age
– I couldn’t relate to parents of my kids’ friends because I wasn’t their age and didn’t have their income, experience, etc.
– I don’t belong to a church, and many women I know grow their friend groups from their faith communities
– My husband is as much of an introvert as I am, so we often choose not to go out with other couples (usually one of us stays home to decompress), therefore we don’t have a lot of couples/family friends
– Our house isn’t great for hosting events or dinner parties, so we never invite people over
– As an introvert, I struggle to handle small talk or loud parties so I often choose to say in
– As a busy, working mom, I’m too exhausted to prioritize friendships
– I am embarrassed to ask people to do things together if we’re not already close friends…therefore it’s impossible to make new friends
– I’m a solo entrepreneur, so I don’t have co-workers to hang out with
– I don’t drink, but I often feel silly asking people to hang out for coffee or other activities when most people will get together for happy hours
– I don’t currently attend 12-step or recovery meetings, so I have a difficult time meeting people in recovery

Oh my god, you guys, the list could go on until the end of time. But what it breaks down to is our old friend (pun totally intended) FEAR. Fear of being vulnerable and being rejected. Fear of looking stupid. But mostly, fear of not being enough.

I’m so over being held back by fear! It’s so pointless and the only person it hurts is me. And lately I’ve been encouraged by stories from other women who have been going through the same thing with their own friendships. I know women who have left their faith communities, and found they lost most of their good friends. Others have been dealt a diagnosis or a divorce, and found their friend groups were lost in the shuffle. Others still have moved to new cities or changed jobs, and found themselves without their regular friend community. It’s not just me. It never is!

So in 2018 I’m committing to making friendship a priority in my life. My kids are older and don’t need me every second, my sobriety is solid and all the other excuses I’ve used in the past are just not enough to keep me on the sidelines anymore. I have no idea how I’m going to do it, but I feel like announcing my intentions in a blog post is a good first step! Here’s to a year of friends, connection and shared joy!

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11 replies
  1. Janet Pistilli
    Janet Pistilli says:

    Hi! I can relate to your comment Outgoing Introvert. I protect my privacy. I’ve been stung many times. I’m a fairly Open person. Blunt. To the point no bullshit kind of gal. I don’t like small talk or the typical lunch brunch chit chat. I find it draining. I choose my social activities wisely. I would love to be a part of a Tribe of like minded women who have been through similar struggles can relate to my no nonsense kind of ways.Accept me for who I am. 2018 Words: #Kundalini #Meditation #Present #Listening #Respect #Creating #Sharing #Alignment. Thanks for sharing Love you! ???

    Reply
    • Megan
      Megan says:

      I so relate to this! I think the small talk that is required in so many social engagements is exhausting. I just want to skip all that and get to the real stuff!

      Reply
  2. Natalie Andrews
    Natalie Andrews says:

    Good for you for putting friendships as a priority. I am enjoying indoor rock climbing with some Mom friends and highly recommend the activity. We cheer each other on as we go up the wall and it is a real confidence boost when you make it to the top. We’ve been climbing after the little kids are in bed and early Sunday morning so drinking isn’t part of the mix. I hope you find a tribe of friends you can meet will with regularly. It’s been so great getting out and doing something fun with my friends.

    Reply
  3. Joan
    Joan says:

    Hooray for you to write boldly and succinctly about a subject we all grapple with at all stages in life. Plus, I relate, as an outgoing introvert in Recovery who does not attend 12-step meetings. At almost 52, I am open to and grateful for new friendships (especially with women) of all ages. Let’s have coffee in 2018!

    Reply
    • Megan
      Megan says:

      Yes, please! I would love to meet up for coffee sometime! I keep waiting for “phases” to pass and for this stuff to get easier, but I think it is just always morphing into something new. There will always be reasons not to try…but missing out on connection just isn’t working for me anymore.

      Reply
  4. Peggy Amor
    Peggy Amor says:

    I have a friend named Laura and you two both do such an incredible job of speaking the truth and speaking up now matter the situation, a trait I admire so much in both of you. I’ve been reasonably good at maintaining my long-term friendship by being really purposeful about reaching out just to say “hi” and keeping the connection going. However, building NEW friendships is something I have not really figured out. Let me know if you want to meet for pie in Downtown OP sometime 🙂

    Reply
    • Megan
      Megan says:

      I totally agree with this…I have a few wonderful friends that I’ve had since I was a kid, and they are a huge part of my life and support system. However, most of them live really far away and it’s hard to find time to get together. I know that I’m a big part of that hurdle. Honestly, being off social media has helped me to reach out to friends more than in the past…I’m being more proactive because I’m not seeing the highlights of their life on a daily basis. And yes to pie!!! Let’s do it!

      Reply
      • Peggy Amor
        Peggy Amor says:

        Yes, to being off social helping reach out to those friends. Social is awesome because it lets me see what my favorite far away people are up to, but it also gives me the illusion of knowing what is going on in their life instead of actually reaching out and getting the details and being supportive/involved. Pie date coming under separate e-mail.

        Reply
  5. Diana Luppens
    Diana Luppens says:

    As I get older, my circle of friends gets smaller and smaller! I’m very particular about who I let in my circle! Loyalty, honesty and authenticity are requirements to be IN that circle! It is important to surround yourself with people who bring out the best IN you and want the best FOR you! Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be the very BEST version of yourself! You have a LOT to offer people sweet girl! Don’t let fear limit you!! Go for those goals and use the friendships to fill you up! After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup!!

    Reply
    • Megan
      Megan says:

      I absolutely believe this is true! I don’t necessarily want a boatload of besties, but I do want to have real, honest relationships in the different areas of my life. I love your advice! Thank you!

      Reply

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