Today I sat at my computer watching the cursor blink. Flash. Flash. Flash. Nothing.
How can this keep happening? What is wrong with the world? Why? WHY?!
I used to get really angry at the injustice on our planet. I used to rage and scream and beat my chest until my heart rate was beyond safe. I would rant and yell and blame everyone.
But somewhere along the line, my reaction changed. I’m still mad. Deep down, I’m still so angry I could scream. But then I look around at all the good in the world, and a bit of love breaks through. People who ran towards the injured, disregarding their own safety. This Google spreadsheet where thousands of people in the Boston area offered shelter and help to those who couldn’t get somewhere safe. Runners who, after a grueling test of their bodies while running the marathon, went straight to blood donation centers.
It’s so true, when the worst of humanity bears it’s head, the best of humanity retaliates in mass force. Hate has always existed, but humans have persevered. Like Patton Oswalt said, so very eloquently, the good outnumber the bad in this world. If they didn’t, we’d be extinct. I’m holding on to that today, and remembering all the simple kindnesses that were afforded to me this week, especially on Monday as we buried my beloved uncle who had passed away and then came home to the news out of Boston.
I heard this song today, rolled down my windows and sang as loud as my horrid voice could bear. You should do the same. It just might help you to feel the love.
I’ve been in love with love and the idea of something binding us together.
You know that Love is strong enough.
And I’ve seen time tell tales about that systematic drug. Well yea, that heart that beats as one.
It’s collectively, unconsciously composed.
Do you feel the love?
I feel the love.
Come on, come on.
Lets start it up.
Let it pour out of your soul.
It’s almost Spring, right? Because as much as I’ve loved the snow days (and trust me, I have loved them), I ready to be rid of all of this grey. I never have really been in the winter doldrums before, but this year has been particularly tough. Particularly wonderful as well, but I think when a lot of goodness is dumped on your head out of nowhere, it’s easy to sink into a funk. Which is where I’ve been for about three months. One big funk.
About two weeks ago I decided to make a few huge changes in my life, and while I know they are for the best, they have been a difficult adjustment. I find myself wanting to sleep much more than normal (I usually sleep only four hours a night…yeah, that was obviously not a sustainable lifestyle) and the sleepy fog over my head has made it harder to write here and elsewhere. Luckily I have a few smart people in my life who have advised me to slow down, so for the foreseeable future, I’m going to be posting here a bit less. I’m hoping the break will give my body and mind a chance to heal from years of totally overdoing it in every sense of the word and before I know it, I will be back here again, flooded with ideas and inspiration.
But until then, we always have Pinterest, right? Do we follow each other over there? We totally should! You can find me @Crazybananas and find all of my boards here. Here are a few of my recent pins that make me ache for Spring. It’s happening soon, right? Did I already ask that?
Today was our third snow day in less than one week. Tomorrow will be our fourth. Tonight we got the email from the school district saying they were closing for another day to keep the kids off the roads. On Facebook, there was a lot of grumbling. Me? I don’t know…I’m okay with it.
This is the first time in my life as a mother that I’m able to just…I don’t know…be okay with it. Yes, I’m way behind on freelance work. Yes, I’m behind on my blogging. Of course, I’m behind on the day job. But for the first time, I feel really at peace with all of it. We’re all behind. Offices are shutting down all over Kansas City, and clients that aren’t located here seem quite understanding of the insane weather that’s hit our area. The pressure I usually feel about to crush me during times like these isn’t here this time…it’s faded away.
About a week ago I took a good, long look at where I’m spending my time. I felt overwhelmed and lost…unsure if I was doing the right thing with my life. My schedule was out of control, but I still constantly felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I had lunch with a fabulous local food blogger I met in Salt Lake City and described my problem. She said it was obvious I was doing too much. My sounding board and mentor, Erin, said the same. It was incredible hearing women who I admire and look up to, and who do so much themselves, say I was overextending. I knew deep down that working every night until 2 a.m. wasn’t a smart plan, but I was in a hole and couldn’t get out.
A day later we were snowed in, and since then, I haven’t feel overwhelmed. I have sledded and built snow forts and shoveled driveways and watched movies and drank wine and took naps. I have stepped back. And it has been perfect.
The timing hasn’t been great. I have deadlines looming and emails piling up. But the snow fell and the kids were home. So I stopped. I watched, I waited, I played…and today, I feel full again.
Don’t get me wrong, people, I am a fan of love. My favorite movies are romantic comedies where Meg Ryan kisses Tom Hanks at the end, so you could call me a connoisseur of love. Love is the best. All kinds of love. Gay love. Straight love. Puppy love. A mother’s love. I could go on forever.
But, you guys, seriously, love isn’t perfect. And though I have somehow inexplicably ended up happier in my little life that I ever imagined possible, sometimes I still want to punch love in the face. Or at least listen to some loud music about how horrible it is and purge some much needed angst. Because love is beautiful, but it can drive you f’ing crazy.
So I made you (and me, let’s be real) a little playlist full of everything. Some good love. Some sad love. Some love that needs to be punched in the face. Some people saying screw romantic love, let’s party with our friends (I love these people). Let’s soak it all in, everyone. I love you!
I made a rad playlist of songs to get you over your writer’s block over at Sweet Lemon Magazine’s Zesty Digest…go check it out! I’ve found myself in quite a creative rut lately, and a few of these tunes are helping me find my way out. Enjoy, and then write away!!!
(Self portrait of me trying to write last week in the middle of the night…)