Crazybananas

It’s almost the last holiday of the summer and to celebrate, I’m taking a whole four days off from this blog. Yup. Four whole days.

While I’m sure you will all be just miserable without my daily commentary, I haven’t taken much time off from this online spew-fest since the big redesign of Spring ‘07, and I need some time to recharge those creative juices. Also, I’m going to be at a farm and a lake without much Internet access, but plenty of beer. Which means I’ll be sitting out on the porch getting sunburned while grandparents watch Lu, leaving little time to update this here blog (I’m practicing my country accent for the trip, sounds good, huh?).

If you’re bored, try clicking here. Or here. Or here. Or, if you must, even here.

So, I’m off.

Godspeed.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s someone with way more guts than me!

It’s Abby! Skydiving! If jealously could be measured in exclamation points, you’d be able feel the real sense of it flowing through me at this moment. I’ve always wanted to skydive, but now I have that kid and probably shouldn’t be taking life-threatening risks…or at least, that’s what I tell myself. It’s for Lucy. Yup. Not because I’m scared. At all. Nope.

In my semi-constant Internet trolling, I often find creative and hilarious sites that far top my little space here at Crazy Bananas. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re sad. And sometimes you just think to yourself, “I can’t believe someone thought of writing about THAT!” And if you’re me, you then think, “I can believe I just wrote something about Horny Goat Weed. I am so lame.”

If you were a young girl between 1989 and 1995, then this site is one you must check out. Remember the great Babysitters’ Club books? This site is dedicated to Claudia Kishi, who you may remember as the fashionista of the group (remember, Dawn was the hippie, Kristy was the jock, there was a smart one too, but I don’t remember her name).

Holy crap, if this stuff doesn’t make you want to bust out your stirrup pants and neon socks, then I don’t know what will:

“I, on the other hand, was dressed in one of my usual wild outfits - a very short black skirt, an oversized white shirt with bright pink and turquoise poodles on it, flat turquoise shoes with ankle straps, and a ton of jewelry, including dangly poodle earrings. My long hair was swept to one side in a high ponytail held in place with a huge pink barrette.”

Or, maybe this little gem…

“Her long hair was fixed in about a million braids which were pulled back and held in place behind her head with a column of puffy ponytail holders. She was wearing a t-shirt she’d painted herself, tight blue pants that ended just past her knees, push-down socks, and no shoes. From her ears dangled small baskets of fruit. She’d made those, I knew. She’d found the baskets and the fruits at a store that sells miniatures and dollhouse furniture. Claudia amazes me.”

And just one more, for the sake of argument…

“I put on my new blue-and-white bikini and over that, a pink sundress with spaghetti straps at the shoulders and big blue buttons down the front. Then I accessorized. I tied a pink-and-blue scarf around my waist, knotting it in the middle, added my snake bracelet and feather earrings, wound my hair up on top of my head, and finally put on these white sandals with long laces that you crisscross up your legs and tie in a bow.”

For more (and you know you want to, just admit it), click here.

Lately I’ve been getting a TON of spam comments on this site. It was really bad when I was using Movable Type as my publishing platform, but when I switched to Wordpress, it slowed down for a while. I guess it was only a matter of time before they started trickling in again. That trickle has now become a flood, and it may be because of the addition on the right side of this page. Do you see it? Shameless, I know.

Ads.

Big, old, flashy, colorful, somewhat distracting ads. I’ve always thought it would be a good idea to try and earn a little money from this site. What, with me being a complete sellout in general and having no money. But most of it had to do with the fact that I spend a good amount of time working on this site, and why not be paid for it? You might say, “hey, I thought you liked doing this site and you were against working for the man” or “will you be censored now that big corporations have their newest baby food products on your site?” My answer is, hopefully not. Hopefully my writing will stay the same. And by the same, I mean boring and dry. And full of space camp pictures. And Zac Efron. I can’t believe people actually read this stuff!

And, of course, there’s always the daily comment spam to make me smile. Like this one, received today:

Horny Goat Weed…Get great results in bed!…

Why hadn’t I thought of that before? See, this site is educational too!

Why are you such a big, fat liar? I appreciate all of your wonderful advertisements starring normal women. It’ s a great marketing ploy, getting consumers to buy your products by featuring and empowering all sizes, looks, shapes and races that we can relate to. Really, it’s great. Especially in a world where the 100-pound anorexic automatically gets a full modeling contract and where so-called “celebrities” seem to make more money for each rib they show in their bikinis.

But it doesn’t matter how good your ads make me feel about my cellulite if your products don’t work. And it makes me very pissy when you show examples of the product working on TV which can never be recreated in real life.

Your fancy deoderant is hailed for not only keeping my underarms looking fabulous (because that’s where my husbands looking when he’s hot and heavy, my pits), but also for keeping them dry. You additionally claim this wonder-product won’t show yucky white spots on my dark-colored clothes. In fact, it’s called Dove Invisible Solid. “100% Little Black Dress Approved,” you say.

Bullshit, I say.

Not only does your crappy deoderant NOT keep me dry, in fact, it’s stained several shirts with nasty sweat marks! Shirts that I liked, maybe even loved! In addition, I have NEVER put your product on without getting it all over my dark shirts. On your commercials, you dare women to flip their shirts inside out to prove your deoderant doesn’t cause white marks. Are these women even wearing deoderant? Because every time I take off my shirt at the end of the day it’s covered in nasty, white, powdery smelling gunk!

I have officially switched products and will never use your product again. Too many embarrassing, sweaty meetings and outdoor activites and shirts lost forever for me to forgive you. But thanks for the ego boost with those commercials. That’s still pretty nice.

Sincerely,
Megan