Crazybananas

Merrry Christmas, Happy Channuka and all that jazz. Not sure how much I’ll be writing for the next two weeks. We’re going to the farm for Christmas and then to Florida for New Years. Golden Acres retirement community will be hoppin’ for 2006! Look out shuffleboard players everywhere! Seriously, I play some mean shuffleboard.

Anyone going to a family Christmas party knows to look out for anything…

“I can spot a pregnant cow anywhere [looking strait at me]” - Person I Will Not Name Because He Claims He Didn’t Mean It That Way, And I Know He Didn’t, But I Still Must Share With the Internet

Also, a favorite from last week’s graduation festivities…

“Get this girl a shot!”

“Yeah, a shot of aborted fetus!”

No, I’m not kidding. Someone actually said that to me. And it was followed by 2 million apologies and late night text messages cursing Budwiser and how it makes this certain fellow act. The best part is, I don’t take offense to these remarks as much as everyone else. I am just happy to have something to write about that doesn’t include bodily secretions or bladder issues!

Yesterday was the one month anniversary of Trent and I jumping into the snake pit. So far, save the obvious fights about fishing reel loaders as gifts and fat pants, we seem to be handling the marriage stuff pretty well. Trent comes home every day with another “warning” that guys at work gave him about married life, I respond with a comment about how his friends at work must be douche-bags with boring-ass wives if they would talk so much crap. Or else they are still in the closet. See, I’m very open to other people’s opinions on marriage. As long as they don’t piss me off, then they’re just pure crap.

So today at work, in remembrance of our big day, I actually brought my iPod which hasn’t been touched since the reception. All the playlists are still from the wedding (ranging from Lyle Lovett, The Barenaked Ladies, Coldplay, Radiohead, The Fugees, Sinatra, Billie Holiday, Miles Davis, and, of course, Justin Timberlake, to name a few) and I’m realizing we actually had a pretty cool reception. And now the song “Forever” by Ben Harper (our first dance) makes me tear up a bit. Actually, it may be because I tear up a bit at anything, even the dancing baby on the Internet that popped up and told me that according to some ancient Chinese formula I was having a girl…

Anyway, happy anniversary to us! And like Frank says, “It’s no good unless they love you all the way.” I’m so lucky to have someone who loves me all the way, every day.

Bleeding gums. Did anyone else know that I’d be spewing blood while brushing my teeth? If so, why didn’t anyone warn me?!

Today, I left the house wearing….brace yourself….a headband. Yes, a headband. Like the one I wore in 1993 to my school’s picture day. I look ridiculous. This morning, in all of the snowy goodness, I just did not feel like jumping in the shower and freezing my ass off. And I knew I wasn’t going to have time to dry my hair, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to go to work in a foot of snow with wet hair!!! So, I looked in my hair accessories basket (yes, I have a hair accesories basket, no it is not alphabetically ordered) and found this black headband-thing. I thought, hey, it’s not that bad. I have to wear a hat anyway, so I’ll have weird hair no matter what.

I was right. Beyond right. Not only do I look weird, I look LIKE AN IDIOT. CIRCA 1993! All I need is some pink leggings and a large polka-dotted shirt and I could be on 90210!

Not only that, but I have a really bad headache, which I think is being caused by the headband. Either it is too small, or my head is too big. Or possibly both. I’m going with Option C.