Crazybananas

I’m sorry I’ve confused some of you in my drunken stupor. This is my Jake Ryan…

The dog and I just spent our evening with Fox Primetime-Desparate Housewives First Season, a bottle of wine so fucking cheap that it has a screw on lid, and 40 media kits to be stuffed with anything anyone would ever want to know about a certain subject that I won’t mention because I would like to avoid getting fired. Though Professor Molly McGoo is quite the expert at licking her private parts and squirming her way onto the lap of anyone who may breathe in her general direction, she is not very proficient at stuffing media kits. I think it may be the fact that she has no fingers.

Anyway, after minimal help from Molly, I have finally completed the stuffing of the kits. The wine bottle is empty. I do not remember why I began this post. I’m sure it had a profound purpose.

I can’t believe it’s happening again…

Dear Hurricane Rita,
You are a slut. I can already tell that about you. You reek of, “Oh, I’ll be nice to you and then I’ll get drunk and try to sleep with your husband.”

Seriously, does it ever end. When will Mother Nature remove whatever obstruction is apparently blocking her rectum and give us a FUCKING BREAK! And if that obstruction is spilled oil or pollution, please have mercy…even if it is our fault.

The pants. In every room of the house. Do people (and by people I mean the man I love so much it makes me want to sing Luther Vandross songs in the shower) just walk into a room a say, “I don’t think this room requires pants?”

Jeans in the dining room. Kakhis in the living room. More jeans in the basement. Shorts in the bathroom.

Somewhere there is a very cute, bearded man walking around with no pants, wondering, “I know I dropped them right here…or were those my kitchen pants?”

I say, quit the damn job that makes you work 12 hour days and join the party! When you’re working more than me, that is a VERY bad sign.

We miss you Heath. Crazybananas dot com isn’t the same without your pessamistic comments and general undertone of misery.