Crazybananas

All I really got done tonight was uploading from the Float Trip. And it took me about a zillion starburst just to have the energy to do this. I am a lazy piece of crap.

After this weekend’s Floatarama, I have realized the mass quantity of crap that I must complete before heading off for the Memorial Day Weekend (a.k.a. The Weekend with All the Parents and the Nephews and the Nieces and the Dogs and the New Home Construction and, of course, the Beer). I am a person who is constantly thinking of all of the things I have to do, to a point where in college I kept a post-it book in my car so I could take these grand thoughts and stick them to anything that may catch my attention later when I’ve completely forgotten about them. Flash to the future, where I keep these lists on my blog so the world can see my procrastination in action.

-Clean all the trash, dog hair, beer bottles, pink bridesmaid dresses, etc. out of my car.
-Unpack from Floatarama Version 2.0, including drying all of the wet clothes that were stuffed into a trash bag and emptying the cooler that contains all the dog food, the dry bag that didn’t stay very dry and the remaining cans of Dr. Thunder.
-Do some laundry so I can actually wear underwear on a daily basis and so my towels don’t smell like my grandmother’s basement.
-Wash the lake smell off the dog, and remove her Bud Lite beads that she got for flashing her eight nipples at a fellow floating dog this weekend.
-Plow my way through the massive pile of work related publications I was supposed to read over the weekend, but conveniently “forgot” to take with me.
-Design a new masthead for this site. Any ideas?
-Buy my mother a birthday present, since I pretty much forgot her birthday and now we’re going to see her this weekend. I think she’s under the impression I was just waiting so I could see her face when she opens it. I will let her believe this because I am an evil child.

Can you see my eyes bugging out of my head?!

I know my most loyal readers are waiting for a 3 page novella on this weekend’s Floating Bonanza, but you will have to wait. Work calls, and unfortunately, it’s calling rather loudly and frantically.

But I would like to add a little note for some of my newest readers, those who work with my very own Bearded Wonder. This site is supposed to be a satirical, exaggerated tale of my life. There are numerous things that I wish I could write about (the mama stories come to mind), but out of respect for my family, and fear for my life, I don’t write them. So when you see things I’m writing, whether it be about frequent use of alcohol and/or my underground life as a spy for the Russian Mafia, please take it with a grain of salt.

I never meant this site to be a place where co-workers can bone up on negative info about me or anyone in my life. That’s why I don’t broadcast my site to anyone who I think wouldn’t appreciate the humor. I will make fun of anything and everyone, you’ve been warned.

Fortune cookie from yesterday:

“You will be advanced socially, without any special effort.

Thank God. Now I can quit all these events and organizations and just sit on my ass in front of the TV drinking entire bottles of vodka…wait…that’s already me. It’s like I already knew what my fortune would be. Meet Megan: Self-Proclaimed Psychic and All-Around Social Butterfly.

Last night I was at work until midnight. True, I did take a break to get a haircut and watch Rock Star: INXS (I’m not a slave), but still, working that late takes it’s toll. This morning I drank almost an entire 2 liter bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper. Then, just as I began to hear birds singing and children laughing, we had Chinese food. The one time lunch is brought into the office and it’s GOD DAMN CHINESE FOOD! I can feel my conciousness slowly slipping away. So tired. I need a cigarette. But I’m too tired to smoke one.

And, I think, in my sleepy state, I broke the color printer. Again. Yes. Again.

I think I need a vacation.