Crazybananas

I will continue to post until they give me something to FUCKING DO at work. It’s like they’re trying to weed me out, like they do in those freshman year biology classes that are trying to flunk everyone who’s not going to be a professional microbiologist (Hi Dad!).

Also, have noticed lack in anything comprehensively adequate in Blockbuster lately (otherwise known as Trent’s computer). Found someone who apparently agrees.

If you’ve noticed the endless trolling and posting of other people’s blogs on this site, then congrats! You have a brain. You should be proud. I, on the other hand, have a very small blond brain that is VERY BORED and needs entertainment or I may just melt into primortial ooze like on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Heros in a half shell, TURTLE POWER!). So I’ve been spending my downtime (aka most hours of the day) laughing at how bored other people are. It makes me feel less alone. And God knows my insurance won’t pay for therapy, so this is the best I got. I guess I could always take vitamins.

The papercuts.

I will not miss the dozens of papercuts on my knuckles and fingers and hands and forehead and belly button. No longer will my lime cutting abilities be impeaded by work-related injuries.

Yesterday, someone at my office came up to me (since everyone knows I’m leaving, now they all feel the need to come up and talk to me about it, so I get to expain over and over again how this was a good opportunity I couldn’t pass up and how it had nothing to do with the company and how bad I feel to leave, blah, blah, blah) and said, “What? You mean you didn’t go to school all of those years to be a secretary?”

EXFUCKINGACTLY!

Trolling the internet can lead to some strange discoveries. Today I found a blog site where people can send in anonymous postcards with their deepest secrets.

Mine would say, “I bought soy nuts because I wanted to look like a conscious, organic grocery shopper, but they taste like crap! Right now I just want some fucking Cheetos.”

She’s such a prostitute. And apparently, a cheap one.

We took Molly to a groomer for the first time this weekend. She was “FURminated,” which is some sort of strange bath plus scary vacum-like blowdryer that’s supposed to cut down shedding 60-80%. Ha! I call bullshit! She’s got the looks of a Rottie, but she sheds like a full breed german shepherd. The hair! For the love of God! THE HAIR!

I found another one…

Strange, “what’s over there? Beyond my shoulder?” glance…check!

Clipboard, so everyone thinks I am an inspector of some sort and they don’t figure out my dumb ass should never be allowed on a job site where there are large mechanical devices which could possibly slice of my arm in one swift swipe…check!

Large, J-Lo circa 2001 hoop earrings, which could easily get caught in said mechanical device…check!

Extremely large Storm Trooper/Lego Man hard hat in order to protect my apparently tiny head…check!

Look of constipation…check!