She’s wanted to hold him since the second she saw him, but I wasn’t ready. As Trent told her while she wildly spun in circles while he slept on the floor next to her, “You can do whatever you want when it’s our baby, but you need to be careful around this one.”

He’s their firstborn. Little, fragile, very new. I remember what that was like. Wanting to be a normal human being, but finding it totally impossible when that little face is right in front of you. Being overwhelmed and ecstatic and joyful and oh so very tired. And wanting the older kids to be a little more gentle, a tiny bit more careful.

But they are a bit more daring then we were. Maybe because they’ve had experience with the children of their friends, or maybe they are just calmer then I was (most likely), but they asked if she wanted to hold him. Her eyes lit up and she looked cautiously over at me. “If it’s okay with them, then it’s okay with me,” I told her.

They were right. She was ready. I am the one who wasn’t ready. My baby is holding a baby. Pretty soon she’ll be holding a baby every day. But can’t she still be my baby too? If she is the big kid, is she still my little girl? When did the baby in this picture, become the big girl in the picture above?

And then, just like that, I’m snapped out of it. Jesus, Megan, you’re missing this moment. And where the hell is your camera?!

It’s been a good one, but I’m ready for fall. Fall is filled with birthdays (my brother-in-law, my niece, my nephews, myself, Trent’s grandma), Halloween, college football (despite the sadness that are my poor, poor Jayhawks), leaves falling, hiring someone to rake said leaves, and continued baby growing.

Boss Man: Hey, how are you doing today?! [Happy and excited because we won a project and he was delivering the news.]
Me: Awesome. [Cough, hack, wheeze, sneeze, sniff…groan.]
Boss Man: Eeeee….
Me: What? Don’t I sound awesome?
Boss Man: Yeah. I’m just gonna stand over here. [As far away from me as physically possible while still being in my office.]

Have you seen these pictures yet, from my family beach vacaton to South Carolina? You should. In fact, I’ll just put them right here. You’re welcome.

I know I’ve mentioned it a bazillion times, but I thank my lucky stars on a daily basis for Trent’s family. They are just so lovely and giving and everything a family should be and more. This trip was a perfect break for Trent, Lu and I, and as per usual, his family made everything fun and easy for us. I could go on, but I won’t bore you with details. Suffice to say, although I feel like absolute crap-ola right now, I would take a summer cold (in a pregnant, can’t take Nyquil body) a hundred times over for another week at the beach with these people.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a list. My list is lovely, if I do say so myself. The names just roll off your tongue and I would be happy for my son to wear any of them. What girl do you know that hasn’t thought about what she would “someday” name her kids? Even if it isn’t serious, you know the thought has entered their minds at some point, regardless of whether it is fleeting.

That’s where things become a bit difficult. I’ve had certain ideas of what I’m going to name my kid since I was a kid myself, and here comes this yahoo to ruin all my plans. (The yahoo is Trent….you got that, right? Just checking.) And this extends way beyond naming the little rugrats. Things like religion, family, work, life, activities…these are issues that Trent and I are literally tackling as they arise. And sometimes it takes a while to figure out where we fall as a family. Maybe this is something everyone struggles with, but for us, I feel like the struggle is more obvious. The worst part for me is the realization that he has as much of a right as I do to make these decisions, and veto my own. It’s infuriating. As I am obviously always right. Apparently Trent didn’t get that memo.

Case in point, Trent hates horses. He thinks they are deadly, dangerous creatures and anyone riding one is a complete nutjob. I, on the other hand, was raised riding competitively from the age of eight. I was an equestrian show rider for years, and continued to ride recreationally throughout high school and college. In fact, one of my three part time jobs my junior/senior years at university was to ride horses weekly with a girl with Asperger Syndrome whose parents wanted her to have a riding companion. I think that horseback riding is great exercise, a wonderful way to teach kids about responsibility and discipline, and just plain fun. I owe much of who I am to that experience growing up.

So for years I’ve brought up that I’d love for Lucy to ride as she gets older. Maybe take lessons once a week or something. But Trent is all “Absolutely no way, Jose. Are you insane?” or the ever popular “Horses aren’t dangerous, huh? Tell that to Christopher Reeve!”

And I’ve let it go. The kid had never been on a horse in her life.

Had. Never.

Had.

Bwahahaha! I win this round, sucker!

I wonder if I should’ve saved my playing card for the baby naming round? Ah well, second children always have it worse.

I was going to go the lazy route and post some more pictures, this time from our beach vacation a few weeks back in South Carolina, but I figured this website is becoming a bit of a photobomb. So instead, here are some things that are making me happy this week:

Sufjan Steven’s Newest EP - All Delighted People: For sale for FIVE DOLLARS or for FREE STREAMING here. My fave is number 6. Dig it.

Stephmodo’s Maternity Portrait Session: Since my brain is all hormonal and crazy, after I checked out our family photos by Nicole this week, the first thing I did (after wiping my eyes because my family is so awesome OMG) was start compiling ideas for a maternity shoot. I’m loving this one Justin Hackworth did for blogger Stephmodo. It’s just so calm and serene. The opposite of how I’m feeling right about now.

Online Shopping: HALP! I can’t stop! It doesn’t help that I barely own any maternity clothes (spent my last pregnancy in sweatpants) and I now have to find baby boy clothes that don’t include the following: Jungle animals, sports, trains, Elmo or any other character. Between Ebay and Gilt, I may not have enough money to pay the hospital for delivery. Ah well, I’ll just have to live in the maternity ward. In really stylish clothes. (Seriously though, most of it is over 80% off and could you say no to this? I didn’t think so.)

Baby Names: So, Trent and I can’t decide on a baby name. Literally, cannot agree. On one name. Not one. So I’ve been browsing around the Social Security Administration’s website, where they have the top baby names for every year since 1879. I know, right? What was the most popular boy’s name in 1890? John. Most popular in 1990? Michael. You can even see charts depicting how name popularity has changed over time. And if you have any suggestions on names, we’re open. Just no unnecessary “y’s” or names without vowels. Please and thank you.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is Secretly Just About Eating Sandwiches: Yes, yes it is. (Read article here.)

Cat Fashion Show: Do you guys remember when I worked for the crazy lady and my job was basically public relations representative for insane cat people? Good times. This would have been a totally normal part of my day. (Edward Cullen Cat and Avatar Cat should have a fight.)

Jon Stewart: This whole NYC mosque (not really a mosque actually a community center and actually not at ground zero and also there is already a Islamic community center at the site and it’s supported by most NYC’ers and Mayor Bloomberg….) “debate” is making me crazy. Whenever I see or hear anything about it on the “news” I want to vomit. But then Jon Stewart comes on and I remember that some people aren’t dumb. I think most aren’t. The dumb ones are just the loudest. I probably should’ve learned that in high school.

Samantha Bee: The following quote should be dipped in gold and hung on any pregnant lady’s wall, “I’m like an overripe papaya that’s about to fall to the ground from its own weight and split open on the sidewalk with its seedy innards spurting all over the place. Gross. I mean, I get it, it’s the Miracle of Life and everything, which is “beautiful” in the abstract. But it’s also frankly kind of gross.” I heart you, Sam Bee.

And because I’m on a roll….here’s a picture from our trip to Charleston. The rest of the wrap up will be coming next week. I think this accurately shows how my in-laws are all funny and I am eternally uncute and sort of snobbish. I mean, doesn’t my pose just scream “OMG, you guys are, like, so embarrassing!”

Granted, they were all drunk. And I was not. Probably explains it.

Happy weekend!

So one ridiculously hot day in June we got together to shoot some family portraits. Except it was a Friday, Trent was grumpy after a long week of work, Lu was grumpy after a long week of school and it was (no lie) 107 degrees outside. And humid. Gotta love Kansas City.

The shoot was done in parts of the River Market area downtown, and then out at our favorite pizza joint by our house. And although it was so hot that Lu really wasn’t the sparkplug she usually is, I almost like these pictures better because of it. Nicole captured the serious Lu, which I just don’t think to photograph much. And I may be biased (obviously), but this kid, she is just gorgeous.

A few other favorites from the day:

I wish I could post all 50 photos so you all could oohh and ahhh like I’ve been doing, but instead I’ll just link to the Flickr set of the shoot here. Nicole is going through a business redesign right now, but you can find her old website here, and you know I’ll be linking to her new one once it’s completed. (It’s so good, y’all, you have no idea. Just wait.)

Thank you, Nicole, for capturing our family of three before everything changes. Thank you for making me look skinny. Thank you for dealing with my grumpy family. And of course, thank you for that lovely photo of 6-year-old me. It has nothing to do with this shoot, but is so awesome, you deserve heaps of praise.

I saw this video first thing this morning on Chookooloonks blog. I had actually heard this StoryCorp recording on NPR before, and found myself stopped on the side of the road while listening the first time. Watching the video, and listening to Danny and Annie’s love story, once again made me tear up today. There is so much negativity in the world, and for now, I want to focus on the good stuff. Life is full of hard stuff, but the good stuff? That’s what makes it all worth it.

(Warning, unless you have a heart of stone, you will probably cry or tear up at this. But that’s important too.)

Already this poor second child is getting the short end of the stick, as second children often do. With Lucy, the minute I found out I was pregnant, the whole world pretty much knew it. I wrote hundreds of words detailing each and every twinge, every pain and every joy during the 9 (10) months I grew her. We’re already over halfway through this gestation, and I think I’ve written about it three times total. Poor little Pirate King.

It’s different this time. Everything is different, and the differences are so unique and new to me, it’s like this pregnancy is a whole new world. The most obvious being how overjoyed I am to even BE pregnant. My first pregnancy was met with fear and isolation, this one was met with happiness and congratulations. People smile when they see me lumbering toward them, and I smile back. Not one person has responded to the pregnancy news with “Oh no, what are you going to do?” I can’t describe what a difference that is.

(Note: Before anyone even goes there, of course Lucy was wanted. Of course she was loved and eventually there was mostly extreme joy concerning my pregnancy with her and her subsequent arrival. But having an unexpected pregnancy when you’re unmarried and 22 years old is frightening. And save two people, every single person we told in the first months of that pregnancy expressed concern about how we were going to do this. Be parents. I’m happy to have proved them wrong, but that doesn’t change the fact that the pregnancy itself was scary.)

When we went in for our 20 week sonogram, we were honestly just excited to find out everything was okay. This pregnancy (aside from the stuff mentioned above) was a bit rocky in the beginning, and there was a time early on when were weren’t sure if we were even going to carry this baby past the first trimester, so seeing our little dude swimming around in there was a huge relief. Taking in the visual of his little hands and feet and profile, which looks remarkably like his sister’s, was enough for me. But then the ultrasound tech hovered over an area of the screen, pointed and looked at me. “It’s a boy, right?” I said. “Yes, are you excited?” she replied. I just looked at Trent and smiled. He hadn’t really heard us, and was a bit confused for a second, but then it set in for him as well.

A boy.

A son.

A brother.

Before I found out that Lucy was a girl, we were sure she was going to be a boy. I am not that girly, Trent is obviously hairy and full of testosterone and I just couldn’t imagine a girl in there. Girls hate their moms. Girls are moody. Girls like princesses. Girls, girls, girls. So it had to be a boy. Boys love their moms. Boys are simpler. Boys, boys, boys.

But now, after four years of parenting my precious little girl, I’m back to square one. I know how to parent a girl. I know the parts and the pieces and how to make sure a dress twirls correctly. I have a mini-me who idolizes everything from my wardrobe to my makeup drawer. I am a girl’s mom.

And now, I will be a boy’s mom. It will be different.

I can’t freaking wait.

A few weeks later, Mikayla asked if I’d be willing to take some maternity photos so she could always remember how it felt to be hauling around a basketball in her stomach. I said of course. She continued to be glowy. I continued to seethe with jealousy.

And then, a few days early, Mr. Sawyer Nash Stover arrived!!! He is adorable and perfect and snuggly and awesome. And Mikayla is still all glowy. HOW DOES SHE DO IT?!

And now, a conversation I had with my husband last night.

T: What’s that smell? Did you make dinner?!
Me: No, that’s for Heath and Mikayla. I’m taking it over there tomorrow.
T: You didn’t make us anything? {sad face}
Me: No. Don’t give me that look!
T: Well, Heath will be over by our house tomorrow afternoon. Just give me the food and I’ll get it to them.
Me: No! You don’t understand! I need baby snuggles!
T: Sorry, just trying to be efficient.
Me: Babies are not efficient!!!!

I am fun and not at all hormonal. And I can sense I’m about to get glowy. Or sweaty. Either way, I’ll be shiny. Right? Right.