10 Year Anniversary

Love Wins

10 Year Anniversary

Ten years ago today, I married a man. Well, barely. I mean, he was technically a man and I was technically a woman…but mostly I was a girl and he was a boy. We weren’t so young that getting married seemed crazy, but we were young enough to have no idea what we were doing. When we married, I had just turned 23. I had been out of collage for one year. We had been living together for almost three years, so getting married didn’t seem like a huge change. For us, the bigger challenge was ahead, as we became parents to our beautiful baby girl. Becoming a parent was a way bigger life adjustment than getting married, or so we thought. At the time, getting married felt like the official merging of bank accounts. Not because I didn’t love him and he didn’t love me, but because we are of a generation where “getting married” isn’t the stamp of relationship approval. Many of our friends lived with boyfriends or girlfriends and never had plans to marry. That felt normal and simple. While we were excited to get married, it was never a “must” for us, so it didn’t feel as life altering as it might have otherwise.

10 Year Anniversary

I remember my wedding day for it’s simplicity and ease. I’m so grateful for that. I planned much of the affair alone, but my friends and family stepped up in a big way in the week before our big day. They arranged flowers and created playlists and made tribute videos to surprise us. They DJ’d and MC’d. My sister ordered my bridal gown for me and I tried it on in her bedroom about a week before the big day. It was perfect. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my family and friends held me up when I couldn’t do it all. This is something I have spent my whole life attempting to repay them for.

10 Year Anniversary

I think back on my wedding day and barely recognize those people at the front of the room. But we were happy. We really, truly were. Up until I woke up that day, I wasn’t sure if I would be. I questioned our decision to get married at all. I worried that people would talk and gossip because we were pregnant (sidenote: they did, we survived). At the time I was a co-dependent, scared little girl, and I was terrified that my sweet husband was only marrying me because he “had” to. I bring this up not because I’m unhappy today…but because I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I wish I could go whisper in that bride’s ear that it was all going to turn out okay in the end, but I believe in the journey. The hard, fun, dirty, honest journey of marriage would not have been possible without that particular beginning, at least for me.

10 Year Anniversary

I think one of the conundrums of marriage is that you commit to being with one person for the rest of your life, but as humans, we change on a daily basis. We grow and learn and adapt, sometimes quickly and sometimes it’s so subtle you don’t notice until it’s too late. That is certainly true in my life. I am not the same person I was when I was 23. At 23, I was proud, sarcastic, quirky, strange, stubborn and afraid 90% of the time. Outwardly I was confident and smart, but inside I felt like a total fraud. Actually, I can’t believe Trent agreed to marry me, because I was sort of a mess! There was also a lot of good in 23-year-old me. I was kind, I was a good friend, I took care of everyone around me, and I made people laugh. I also had a 23-year-old butt, which was probably pretty alluring.

10 Year Anniversary

But in 10 years, I have changed. My butt certainly isn’t a 23-year-old butt anymore. I still try to be kind and make people laugh, but these days I attempt more often to let people take care of themselves instead of being superwoman. I still have a sarcastic streak, but the constant feeling of fear deep in my gut has subsided. I am growing and changing and learning on a daily basis, and while most of the changes are positive, it’s true that I’m not the girl I was when we got married.

10 Year Anniversary

This is why marriage is a miracle. For me, marriage has been a 10-year-long class in the study of being human. And for once, this perfectionist is not a straight A student! I screw up a lot. A LOT. Marriage has taught me humility. It has taught me that no one is really ever “right.” Most discussions/debates/arguments happen on a spectrum, and while Trent and I may fall on opposite ends sometimes, we work the best when we find our way to the middle. This doesn’t mean we give up what we believe in, it just means we are trying to remember we love each other despite our differences. In fact, these days I’m finding our differences one of the most alluring things about us as a couple. I used to think for a couple to be a team, they had to agree. Now I’m learning that the most successful teams are comprised of people who bring different talents and ideas to the table, but respect each other enough to listen.

10 Year Anniversary

A few years ago, when Trent and I were in a really rough spot, I was worried we weren’t going to make it. I tried to envision my life without him, and it wasn’t pretty. Not to say it wasn’t possible. It is. That’s one of the biggest things that propelled us back together. I am not the kind of girl who believes that a man should save me or that soul mates can’t live without each other. I realized I could survive without him in my life. But I simply didn’t want to.

10 Year Anniversary

I had to reach a place where I took my marriage, like so many other things in my life, one day at a time. I’d wake up in the morning and make a tangible decision to do my best to love my husband today. Maybe it sounds sad that I had to make that decision, but I find it to be glorious. I wasn’t loving him because I had to or because it was expected. I was choosing, deliberately, to love him no matter what. If we argued, if I was upset or if he was upset, I made a point to still love him. I reminded myself that most often people aren’t trying to hurt each other on purpose, but rather they are just trying to be heard.

10 Year Anniversary

Sounds simple, right? It wasn’t. There were times where it was difficult. But slowly, day after day of waking up with the intent to love, I found myself loving without trying. I found a natural rhythm in looking at my husband and seeing all that was good in him, instead of looking for flaws. I learned to accept who he was, instead of who I thought he should be. And with this came acceptance of myself. Because as we all know, when we are looking for issues or problems in others, the truth is we are ashamed of those issues within our own hearts. Once I accepted myself for who I am, it became so much easier to love and, in turn, be loved.

10 Year Anniversary

Life is not perfect today. I don’t wake up smiling with rainbows and butterflies above my head. Life is lovely, but it’s not without challenges. The difference today is the intent is pure. I love my husband. He is smart and kind and easy on the eyes. He is the hardest worker I know. He cares about people and wants them to succeed. He is fascinated with science and the workings of the universe. He is a Doctor Who fan. He has grown into the very best father. He’s not perfect, and he screws up, but there is no one I’d rather take on the weirdness of life with.

10 Year Anniversary

Ten years later, I could not have guessed where this journey has taken me. If I could take one lesson away, it would be to choose love no matter what. The biggest and best developments in all areas of my life have come from the ability to choose love on a daily basis, and I owe that ability to my husband. I love him, just as he is. And I love me, just as I am. Life goes on, the world turns, things change…but having this partnership in my life has made me a better person. Love wins.

10 Year Anniversary

10 Year Anniversary

Thanks to all the photographers who have captured our family throughout the years, including Nicole Coleman and Christina Gepner, who provided some of the images used in the post above.

Honeymooners

When Trent and I got married almost 10 years ago, we were young. Young, pregnant and honestly, pretty overwhelmed. While we would have loved to take a magical honeymoon like so many of our friends were doing, we felt like saving money was more important. And it was! We had a baby on the way, and for us, the honeymoon phase wasn’t a reality. We jumped right in to marriage and family, and while I don’t regret one moment, I admit it didn’t give us much time to adjust to our new roles. In the next ten years there were many ups and downs as we worked on learning how to be partners…there is a HUGE difference between long-term dating (we had been together almost four years and had lived together for almost three when we got married) and raising a family/growing a life together. While we surely had a lot of fun along the way, it wasn’t free of conflict and a LOT of growing pains.

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

For the past few years we’ve said jokingly if we made it to 10 years, we would finally take our honeymoon. And then earlier this year, we realized the time had FINALLY come! After working on some scheduling conflicts and finding a good time for our family to take our kids off our hands for a week, we booked our long-awaited honeymoon to the incredible island of St. Lucia.

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

I cannot put into words what this trip meant to Trent and I. For the past 10 years we have worked so, so hard on creating this life for our family. Whenever I hear people saying that marriage shouldn’t feel like “work” I have to hold my tongue, because that hasn’t been my experience. Our marriage has absolutely been fun…but it’s been work too. There have been moments (sometimes lasting longer than a short moment) where one or both of us has questioned what the heck we were doing. We never had the luxury of being married without the pressure of raising children, and that in itself is WORK. In those 10 years we’ve had two children, started two businesses, rented and owned homes, upgraded to a minivan, laughed, cried, yelled, hugged and smiled. But we’ve never had more than three days alone together.

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

For us, leaving the country and heading to paradise for seven long days was beyond a treat. We were able to reconnect and remember why we chose each other in the first place…because despite our differences (of which there are MANY), we fit together. I’m not a person who banks on “forever” in any aspect of my life. Forever is just too big of a concept for me to grasp. But our travels to St. Lucia reminded me why I wake up every day making the conscious choice to be married to this incredible guy. Not because we are perfect, but because we are worth it.

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

St. Lucia

(All photos taken with my Fuji x30)

I Love Kansas City : Date Night

Date NightThis year instead of resolutions, our family worked together to come up with some overarching goals that we could work on continuously through the year. With my new business, Trent’s hectic work schedule and two kids with lots of activities, we knew that creating a list of resolutions to check off probably wouldn’t be very successful. I’ve talked about our family goal plan before, and one of our goals that we have carried through to 2015 was having more date nights. Trent and I both spent the last few years in a crazy flurry of activity, and while we achieved a lot, our relationship suffered. So we made a pact to spend more time together as a couple…not as parents or business partners, but as a married team.

While I know the idea of “date night” is sort of a cliche, I have to say, it’s really worked for us. Getting out of our routines and ruts has helped us to reconnect and learn more about each other. This weekend we celebrated 13 years since our first date, and while the core of who we are is the same, people change A LOT in 13 years. If we don’t spend time alone together, we can forget to keep learning, and before we know it, we don’t recognize the person standing in front of us.

With that in mind, I wanted to share a few of our date night activities, in case you’re looking the break out of a rut in your own relationship. We’ve had quite a few dates that fell a bit flat, but here are our top choices for a rad date night in Kansas City.

Eating Spots
We have tried so many restaurants and eateries on our date nights, but a few definitely stick out as favorites. The Farmhouse is delicious and while I’d eaten there for work lunches on several occasions, we’d never tried it out for a romantic dinner. We also loved Le Fou Frog, which is only open for dinner. I had the Filet Le Fou and it was incredible. The Rieger Hotel is probably next on the list, because their location is so cool and historic. I’m a dessert girl, and The Devil’s Food Cake is amazing.

Stuff to Do
We are working on being more open to new experiences and getting out of the old “dinner and a movie” routine. One fun thing we did this year was join the Kansas City Theater League, which gave us tickets to the Kansas City Broadway Series, a set of traveling Broadway companies bringing their shows to Kansas City. So far we’ve seen Chicago and Book of Mormon, and we think it’s probably some of the best money we’ve spent this year. We have two more shows left this season, and we think we’re going to buy next season too! Other favorite date night spots are The Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art and Union Station, where we enjoy seeing the traveling exhibitions (like King Tut!).

Do you have any favorite date night spots? Places to eat? Activities? I’d love to get some new ideas to add to our list!

Elsewhere : Mothering Gamers, From Opponent to Advocate

In 2002 I met a gamer boy who was super cute and he asked me on a date. I had fake red hair and listened to way to much emo rock, and he wore lots of puka shell necklaces. It was adorable.

2002

Today I’m over at Pixelkin.org talking about how I started out as a gamer’s girlfriend who was VERY confused about the appeal of gaming and how my opinions have changed as my kids have become more interested in video games.

Now, as the “mother” I pride myself on being in tune with my kids’ wants and needs, but this was something I didn’t understand. I admit, at first, I was jealous. This was something my kids and husband could do together and I had no idea how to participate. Excepting a one-month binge of The Sims in college (when I locked myself in a closet with the game for a few weeks and then realized I needed sunlight and never played again) I certainly wasn’t a gamer by any definition of the word. All of a sudden my husband and kids were connecting on a level I couldn’t relate to, and I felt lost.

You can read more at Pixelkin.org.

Merry, Bright

Untitled

Oh hey there! It’s just me, lounging in front of my Christmas tree, taking selfies in my new sweater that I’ve literally worn, like five out of the last seven days. In my defense, I am officially a real, live blogger now and it’s a super cute sweater, so I couldn’t really help myself. I think it’s in the blogger code that you MUST take selfies in front of twinkle lights in cute new sweaters or they will expel you from the union.

In other news, you’re probably wondering why I’m just now saying I’m a real, live blogger since I’ve been doing this for over 10 years. Well, long story short, this is my job now. My entire job, not my part time job or my fun side project…it’s the real deal! Earlier this week Crazybananas, LLC became an actual company with a tax ID and everything! On January 1st, 2015, this blog, my photography and my freelance writing will be my profession. Try explaining that one! Seriously, try. And if you figure out how to do it without sounding like a derpy dope, let me know. So far most of my conversations have gone like this:

Me: I created a company this week! Ahhhh! I’m so excited/terrified!

Kind, Inquiring Person: Oh, cool! So what is this company? What do you do?

Me: Um, well, a lot of things actually. I’m a writer, I freelance write and I also photograph people sometimes and I design stuff. Oh and consulting! Companies come to me to learn about how to work with bloggers. And stuff. It’s pretty varied actually…

Kind, Inquring Person: *blink blink blink*

I feel like something extremely big and important is happening in my professional like, one of those “two paths diverged in a wood” moments, but I’m realizing you never understand those moments until you’re looking back on them. While you’re actually living them, all you can do is keep swimming and try to keep your head above water. So for now, I’m going to do my best to put one foot in front of the other, breathe, and do the best I can.

Thank you so much, so, so much, for all of the love, support, comments, shares and insights. I know I wouldn’t have kept blogging without readers to connect with, so you are the ones I’m grateful for today.

Of course, I’m also extremely thankful for my family who has supported me as I worked my way through this decision. It hasn’t been easy, but here we are, and I know they are behind me. Our life is far from perfect, but I really believe as long as we keep trying, it will keep getting better. So for the rest of December, I’m signing off. There are two little people who need me to take them ice skating, a giant puppy who needs to hop through the snow like a bunny, and a husband to snuggle up to. Leading up to this big change, I’ve been working on overload, and they’ve born the brunt of my crazy. I know that doing this thing will require a whole new type of work ethic, and while I’m excited and ready, I want to make sure I start with my family’s tank full to the brim. I also need my tank to be filled, and part of the reason I’ve worked toward this change for so long, is because I believe it’s the best way to do this. The family/work balance will forever be a tightrope walk for me, but I think this is one step closer to getting my feet firmly planted.

Can't. Stop. Baking. This is getting ridiculous. BUT! If you're like me and you're bad at housewifery-type stuff like baking, and you find a technique that works, you go bananas! ???? Plus, Tate was begging for trains/cars/planes for his bday party on

I hope you all have an amazing holiday! I challenge you to list out 10 things you are grateful for every night before you drift off to sleep. This simple practice has changed my life in every possible way. I have found when I’m looking for the good things in my life, no matter how small, the bad things have less oomph. They just don’t pack the punch they used to. So for today, I’m thankful for:

1. Tate’s successful birthday party
2. Little boys in superhero costumes in a pink, princess castle, bounce house (see #1)
3. Lucy getting through her first semester of third grade with no big problems or issues
4. Teachers who love and care for my kids
5. Other parents who love and care for my kids
6. The ability to help out others when they need it
7. My friend Mara who is currently loaning me the latest season of Doctor Who, which I’m watching while writing this (multi-tasking!)
8. The big, dumb dog snoozing at my feet
9. My husband’s distinguished, ginger beard
10. My fully completed holiday shopping, and the fact that I don’t have to go to the Mall until December 26th (thank freaking god!)

See you in a few weeks, friends! It’s gonna be a fun ride!

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